The Expat Unfriendly Netherlands - Take Two

Not all Dutch things are easy to adapt to
(c) Amanda van Mulligen

Around a year ago I published a blog post which threw up the question whether the Netherlands was a friendly place to live for expats. The resounding response was no. And it was the most commented on post I have written - with comments still coming in.

It seems that most of you indicated that making friends with Dutch people is nigh on impossible. That Dutch people are very closed off (to expats) and that the local language is a serious barrier to friendships with the locals. Some of you were extremely negative, others were relatively positive. The positive comments indicated that the more effort you put in to making local friends, the more rewards there are to be had. The negative commentary indicated that all effort had been to no avail.

The ferociousness of some of the comments surprised me. The warmth of some of the comments about the Dutch and the Netherlands was encouraging (check out Tiffany's comment for example). I have been meaning to write a follow up post for many months now so here goes.... let the comment barrage begin once more.....

Dutch people are not openly embracing new people and swallowing them up into their social circle. They don't always come across as particularly warm at a first glance. But to dismiss them as rude and unfriendly is scathing and unfair in my eyes. I find most, if not all of the people that I come into contact with on a social level to be friendly, interested and communicative. I am not including employees in shops, bars or restaurants as they are a breed apart........

I think how you approach local relationships very much depends on your reasons for being in a foreign country, and how long you plan to stay. Integration is of course not high on the agenda is your stay is short term and employment based. Then you are more likely to mix solely in expat groups. And in the comments on my post a year ago a fair point was raised - if you are not going to be around for a while then the investment from the other side (i.e. the local) is also a lot of effort for little reward.

I moved to the Netherlands in 2000 because I met a Dutch man. My plan at that time was to move here and stay indefinitely. Twelve years later I have three sons, a husband and no plan to move back to my home country. My eldest attends school here. My other two will follow. I have learnt Dutch over the years and only speak English when my family or friends visit, or at home alone with my children so that they learn English. That already makes a huge difference making friends with local Dutch people.

The argument from expats is often that Dutch people speak very good English so they don't need to learn Dutch. However, many Dutch people feel very unsure of themselves speaking in English. I have so often heard "I don't speak English well" when in fact their English is pretty good. The fact is that language is a barrier to local friendships. Someone is always speaking a second language (usually the Dutch person) and it hinders deep conversation in many cases. Confidence takes a knock - and lets face it communicating with people in a second language is not the path of least resistance.

There is also an issue of culture. My husband and I grew up a matter of a few hundred kilometres from each other and yet our youths are very different because we lived in different countries. So whilst he is reminiscing with friends and family about TV programs, music or the activities he undertook as a child I can only sit and blankly stare. And it works vice versa. Bagpuss? Fingermouse? Bucksfizz? Forget it - he doesn't have a clue what I am talking about. Common ground is needed for the basis of a relationship - and this is where Tiffany's wise words ring true:

"Of course, I joined an expat group as soon as I moved here, but I also realised I needed to make Dutch friends and would never do so just hanging around my expat haunts. So I signed up to be paired with a native Dutch speaker to improve my Dutch, I joined an all Dutch vocal group, I made an effort to get close to my husband's friends, I went to dance classes and other events where I'd meet like-minded Dutch people, I chat with neighbors while I'm out walking the dog."

Having my eldest in school has been a trigger for a huge increase in social contact with Dutch people. Because there is suddenly something in common - our children are in the same class. We face the same issues. We share the same daily spaces. Most are friendly and warm. My experience is not unique. An anonymous comment on the post from last year stated:

"I speak the language, which has made a huge difference, but it was when I started volunteering for school and community activities that I really felt I had a place here."

The Dutch people I meet ask about where I come from, how I experience life in the Netherlands, whether I miss England, what I miss about England, and whether life in the Netherlands is easy for a Brit. There is interest. There are questions. Because I can talk Dutch with them. And it doesn't matter to them that there is an accent, or that sometimes I mix my words. The fact that they don't have to struggle along in English with me is a big relief for many.

I'm not saying it's easy at all - but there is another side to the story. The context in which you meet Dutch people is important - do you have anything in common to start from? Is language a barrier? It has taken years and years and years to build up what I would call any level of local friendships here. It hasn't been easy and it seems that is goes a natural course as you get more integrated and feel more at home in your host country. If you feel more at home, you are more yourself, you have the confidence to join local groups, to tackle conversations in a foreign languages - to take the time to invest in relationships.

There's always light at the end of the tunnel
Photo: John Nyberg

For those reading these posts before making a leap to the Netherlands, or anywhere else for that matter - don't be put off. Moving abroad isn't easy. But there is always light at the end of the tunnel! You just need to make sure you constantly move forwards to get there.

One final thought - think about the friend base you have in your home country - how long did it take to build those friendships up? Rome wasn't built in a  day as the staying goes.......

It would be interesting to hear from anyone who commented a year ago..... has anything changed for you? Anyone else feel that their effort with the locals has been worth it?

Being British Right Now

It will be hard to find a British blogger at the moment who isn't reflecting on this week's events in England (Britain is cited everywhere but lets be honest I saw no mention of Scots or Welshmen taking to thieving their local trainers or electronics shop).

The Dutch and expat press is as full of news about the riots as the British national press is, and there is lots of contemplation of what it is to be British, whether expats feel proud to be British and how watching the looting, violence and arson across the country on TV makes those of us abroad feel.

An interesting piece by Annabel Kantaria in the Telegraph expat section asks "Are you proud to be British?" and explains the image her British children (who live in Dubai) just got of England during their visit this week. One reader commented that the concept of being proud to be British is outdated and belongs in the 1940s. I have to agree. I'm happy to be British, but proud?

I have read a number of blog pieces by British writers that relay that this kind of 'British' behaviour is a reason to be happy with the choice to move away from their homeland. The Dutch press asked whether such looting and violence could ever be seen on the streets of the Netherlands. A resounding no came back for a number of reasons, the primary being that the extremes within British society are not present in Dutch society. There's a predominant 'average' Dutch layer so the extremes of rich and poor are not daily evident like they are in Britain. It's a point my husband has been making since I met him over a decade ago - extremes in Britain are evident wherever you look.It's something I notice when I go back now but something not apparent to me when I lived there.

On a personal note the images played out through the British and Dutch media have been harrowing and shocking. The conversations that have followed in the press are equally worrying - many different theories about the whys and what nows. Disenchanted youths. Government policies. Youth schemes scrapped. The rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. Unemployment. University fees. Ethnic minorities. Lazy teenagers. A feeling of entitlement. A lack of responsibility. Feeling displaced in society. Criminal opportunistic gangs. Lack of discipline in the home and in schools. Bad parenting. Teenage parents.

Whatever the reason, whatever the excuse, the violence on English streets in the last few days leaves most British people angry, upset and incredulous - whether you still live in Britain or not.

What is clear is that international press coverage of youths rioting on the streets of London, Manchester, Liverpool and Brimingham (amongst others) have allowed Brits across the world to feel what it is to be British right now. And it's not a good feeling.

Dutch Happiness and Part-Time Working: Is It Linked?

Most Dutch Women choose to work
part-time
Photo: Kurhan

According to the CBS, nearly 75% of Dutch women in the work place work part-time. It's the highest part-time rate in the EU, despite the fact that the Netherlands has the second highest rate of women workers in the EU: 71.5% of Dutch women work.

It's not a new topic. But it remains a fascinating one. The Dutch government began trying to encourage women to take on full time employment with tax incentives in the 1990s. They didn't work. In fact, the tax breaks did exactly the opposite and encouraged women to work even fewer hours.

As a comparison: The New York Times states that 23% of women in the United States work part time. That is a staggering difference. What accounts for this part time working trend?

One theory back in 2009 was that men were holding women back - shorter hours and less pay for women being the result. The UN commissioned a study, only to find that only 4% of women part-time workers actually wanted to work full-time or longer hours. Dutch women are actually happy to work part-time. They don't want additional responsibility in the workplace. They don't want to work longer hours.

So is it that Dutch women are lazy? Would they rather be at home watching Oprah than sitting in the work place? Is a daily visit to the gym more important than an increased income?

No, it's about personal freedom. About being able to make choices about how life is lived. Dutch mothers are not prepared to give up their family time and leave full-time child-rearing to expensive creches or the grandparents. Those without children choose to 'enjoy life' instead of working full-time. The Dutch want a good work-life balance. The Dutch are family oriented and value their leisure time (as anyone living here will validate - sunny evenings and weekends mean that the locals are out in force with their bikes enjoying themselves - not in an office to please the boss).

Women, and their partners, are contented with this Dutch culture of part-time working. And the result? Happy women! In fact, the Dutch generally score high in happiness rankings (in the top ten). Looks like somebody is doing something right somewhere in the Netherlands. Don't you think?

The Effect of WW2 on The Netherlands: History Helping Expats?

World War II Graves in Normandy, France
Photo: (c) The Writing Well

Heinrich Boere is a former member of the Waffen SS who stood trial in October 2009 in Achen for war crimes and was convicted to life in prison in for his crimes. At the age of 89 he is likely the last Dutch war criminal who will stand trial for crimes committed in World War II against Dutch citizens.

Born to a Dutch father and a German mother, Heinrich was born in Germany but moved to the Netherlands when he was two years old. He volunteered to join the Waffen SS not long after the occupation began.

Between September 1943 and September 1944 he was allegedly part of the Waffen SS death squad (Sonderkommando) responsible for killing around fifty Dutch citizens as reprisal for resistance actions, and in particular Boere was accused of executing three Dutch men: Fritz Bicknese from Breda and Frans Kusters and Teun de Groot from Voorschoten.

Boere escaped from a Limburg prison in 1947 and fled to Germany, claiming German citizenship thanks to his mother’s German heritage. Germany does not hand over wanted criminals to other countries, hence he escaped conviction by the Dutch authorities for many years.

In 2000, the German and Dutch Justice System became once more interested in Boere when he was tracked down and interviewed for a Dutch documentary. He showed no remorse. Years later, he was captured in an interview for the AD saying,

“Orders were orders, otherwise it would have meant my skin. Later it began to bother me. Now I’m sorry.”

In January 2009, it was ruled that Boere was not fit to stand trial due to health reasons. This was overturned later in the same year and he was finally convicted in March 2010.

As a result of the German occupation, the Dutch in their homeland experienced WW2 differently to the British. The war came to the Dutch, and like the French, they lived under German rule in their own land.

Last year I watched Oorlogswinter, a hard hitting Dutch film about the German occupation in the Netherlands. It, and films like it, as well as reading the personal stories of those involved over sixty years ago, provide a real perspective on a major part of Dutch modern history. It’s a harsh, harsh history (see the Rotterdam Blitz or hongerwinter of 1944 as examples)

It’s a history that I wasn’t taught in school (though I did specialise in the French occupation and resistance for my A-level French – the Dutch occupation was mentioned in passing during this study) and a history that goes some way to understanding Dutch attitudes to some things; like why the Netherlands gave up its neutral state after WW2 and was an original member of NATO, the EU and the UN and today hosts the ICTY. It also gives more meaning to the poignant event that takes place each 4th May and the celebrations nationwide on the 5th May.

Learning something about the history, and the influences of historical events, certainly has helped me gain a little more understanding of my adopted home.

Is it something that interests you or do you think it adds no value to integrating into your adopted home?

The Expat Unfriendly Netherlands

Hard to make friends, difficult to learn the local language, fit into the local culture and integrate into the local community. Does this sound like your expat life in the Netherlands?

According to the Expat Explorer Survey carried out for HSBC Bank International the Netherlands placed last out of 25 countries, making it the most expat unfriendly country you could hope for.

Only 36% of expats relocating to the Netherlands find it easy to make friends here and 55% have concerns about the barriers that the local language put up. According to the survey, expats find the Dutch culture hard to fit in to and integrating in to the local community is far from easy here.

The difficulty of making friends in the Netherlands, particularly with the locals, is a common expat forum topic. Learning the language is a common talking point too but for the Netherlands to score so badly on these points did surprise me.

On the other hand, I did feel like shouting  "You see!" to someone who once posted a comment on an article I wrote for the Telegraph. A reader going by the name of "Kingory" commented,

"The Netherlands is about the easiest place in the world to be an expat, the language is really easy if you can hack the pronunciation, English is widely spoken, less than an hour east of London, there are loads of expats there already, and they even have the UK BBC for God's sake!!

Kind of missing the point about trying to integrate I think, but nonetheless you would think that a move to a far flung destination would be tougher than a move to a Western European country.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you experienced problems getting your social life on track after moving to the Netherlands? Is the culture too much to adapt to? Do the survey results surprise you or confirm your feelings?

A Lotta Bottle - Recycling in the Netherlands

Photo: Martin Boose

Last September, expat American author Bill Bryson called on Britain to return to the bottle recycling of old to save resources and reduce littering. Until the end of the 1980s this was common practice in the UK and for every bottle of drink you bought you paid a penny or so extra and got it back when you returned the bottle. In fact, I can remember the 'pop' man coming round the streets with his lorry and we'd regularly get our bottles of drink from him in a plastic crate and the bottle deposit was a normal thing. Ach, those were the good old days of dandelion and burdock in a glass bottle delivered to your door.

And then plastic bottles and cans increased in popularity and the bottle deposit system died out in England. Instead there are kerb collections for recyclable materials such as cans, plastic and paper. Bill Bryson's comments however seem to have reopened the debate.

According to the Recycling Netwerk, 90% of beer bottles with a deposit on them are brought back by shoppers in the Netherlands. The system works here just fine, at least from a consumer point of view. One of the concerns about re-implementing such a system in the UK is that shoppers will have to pay a bit more for their drinks and not everyone will be able to get back to the shop they bought the bottle from - the Netherlands has an answer.... a universal system so you don't have to return to the exact shop you bought the bottle from. You can even turn in bottles bought in other countries in some cases - that beer you buy in the Belgian supermarket for example is often accepted in Dutch bottle recycle machines. Small beer bottles have a statiegeld (deposit) value of 0.10 cents, large beer bottles 0.25 cents and a full crate earns you back your 3.95 euro.

There has been pressure on the system over the past few years - for the same reason the system in the UK stopped - because of the increasing market share of cans and small bottles which are not subject to the statiegeld scheme. However, this may change to meet plastic recycling targets set for the Dutch government by including small plastic bottles in the scheme. Maybe that will also help the littering problems around schools.....

What has surprised me about recycling in the Netherlands is that cans are not recycled and in my area the recycling of general plastic packaging has only very recently been introduced. Both materials have been standard in the UK for many years now. Different everywhere you go it seems.

What do you think about the bottle deposit system? Is it in force where you live? Does it help the litter problem?

The Smoking Ban in the Netherlands

Photo: mi-sio

My very first blog post, back in June 2008, was about the new smoking ban that was being introduced the following day in the Netherlands. Fast forward to today.

The smoking ban has proved to be rather a thorn in the side of the Dutch government.  There has been much discussion about the fact that those bars clearly defying the ban over the last few years faced no consequences. Small cafe owners threatened to sue the government for lost earnings from the smoking ban.

Balkenende's government held fast. But then the latest coalition government came in and rescinded part of the law so that owners of those bars up to 70m2 with no employees are free to allow smoking in their premises. Fines for violating the smoking laws in these establishments were also cancelled. Clean Air Nederland collected 35,000 signatures against lifting the smoking ban in some cafes.

For those places where the smoking ban is still alive and kicking, there will be higher fines, stricter checks and enforcement of the law.

In a nutshell, it's a heated discussion in this country - even though the law came into being nearly three years ago. The Netherlands is the first country in Europe to actually reverse a smoking ban. The Dutch HEALTH minister put the reversal down to "consumer choice".

One of the striking differences in the Netherlands is that the ban was not introduced to protect the public from passive smoking but as an extension of the law to protect employees in the workplace, hence bar owners with no staff could challenge the introduction of the law.

Interestingly, restaurants seems to have taken the ban in its stride.

It has all been a bit of a mess and for some reason the Netherlands has faced a difficulty getting a smoking ban implemented that seems to have passed other countries by.

The EU is looking for wider and stricter measures from the member states to reduce the effects of involuntary inhalation of second hand smoke - particularly regarding children and adolescents. At present in the Netherlands around a third of schools ban smoking on their schoolpleinen. Health Minister Schippers wants this to become a total ban and will come with a proposal this spring. I'm assuming that schools won't be as difficult as bar owners to convince that smoking on the school playground should be stopped......

It will certainly be interesting to see how the Netherlands handles any further ban in public areas.

What are your thoughts on how the smoking ban has been handled in the Netherlands? 

Deaths, Injuries, Vandalism - Just A Peaceful New Year's Eve in Holland

Photo: L van Mulligen

Growing up in England, New Year's Eve was about seeing the new year in with friends and family. We would spend the evening in a pub somewhere talking and drinking and maybe dancing. In England, you can even post a letter on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day if you want. Here in the Netherlands, pre-empting the destruction, TNT blocks up all the postboxes across the two days so no fireworks can be put in the postboxes. In some high risk areas, they remove the postboxes altogether. Parking meters are covered up, letterboxes for apartment blocks are covered over in plywood and public transport shuts down before the night even gets going. But that isn't enough to stop some.

Despite ten years here, the activities on Dutch streets on New Year's Eve never cease to amaze me. Children as young as five and six carry around rucksacks full of fireworks, letting them off as they walk around their neighbourhood. Grown men demonstrate to their toddlers how fireworks can blow up a snow mound or a drain. Children still in junior school set fires in the streets, burning anything they can find around them on the paths and when that runs out going door to door to ask for paper. In some areas,  residents feel trapped in their houses as fireworks are thrown at their houses and cars.  40 cars were set fire to in The Hague, just like last year. Bus shelters, shop windows, post boxes and bins are blown up as a matter of course. Fires burn in streets - anything from Christmas trees to mattresses thrown on as fuel. The fire services were busy across the country - they put out 200 fires in undergrounds bins in Amsterdam alone.

And that is to say nothing of the human cost of New Year's Eve in the Netherlands. This year two families lost a child to the culture around fireworks on New Year's Eve in the Netherlands, both as a result of homemade fireworks. Others spent New Year's Day in the hospital with loved ones. Police officers were injured in some of the big cities and in other areas the police seemed to keep a low profile to avoid confrontation, meaning gangs of youths ruled the streets for the night. Other emergency service workers risked being attacked whilst trying to do their jobs.

642 people were arrested in total across the country on New Year's Eve for attacking others (including public service workers such as firemen, ambulance personnel and police), vandalism and other offences.

The thing that really amazes me every year is the media quoting high ranking police officers and mayors saying "New Year's Eve was relatively peaceful". Try telling that to the car owners who have nothing but a burnt out wreck left over, or the family of the police officer with a serious head injury caused by yobs with fireworks, or the families in Ypenburg who are busy replacing their windows after yobs went on the rampage there.

For some reason, New Year's Eve is about disorder and destruction to many in big cities across the Netherlands. It is an opportunity to attack, destroy and be violent and each year it gets no better, despite steps taken by the police. And to call New Year's Eve 'relatively peaceful' seems to me to be accepting the violence and destruction as the norm. Violence and damage aside, I can't even get my head around children spending New Year's Eve letting off fireworks.

Naturally, the majority of the population see the New Year in in a sensible and gezellig manner - with champagne, oliebollen and appelflappen shared with family and friends. And unfortunately, it is usually these people that spend New Year's Day cleaning up the streets they live in and sweeping up the damage caused by others. What a way to start the year.......

Well, That Was 2010

Photo: Billy Alexander

It's end of the year and so time for a little reflection. I purposefully don't do too much reflection on the year that has just gone as there's not a lot I can do to change anything that hasn't gone quite as I had liked but a little look over the year does help to create a little focus for the next year.

Without a doubt the highlight of 2010 for me on a personal level was the birth of my second son, and the time since his birth has been busy manic chaos and I've not had the time to do as much writing as I would have liked - but I'm not going to beat myself up about it because I know what it more important right now!!

Away from me, this year has seen some big events in the Netherlands. Here's an overview of some of the things to have hit the Dutch headlines this year - in no particular order. There's lots more of course and NOS and RNW have good summaries.

Politics: Extreme right MP Geert Wilders somehow ended up with a major say in political matters in this country. It took almost all of this year to get a minority government formed after the last one collapsed due to disagreement about the future Dutch presence in Afghanistan. After talking to just about anyone who had ever uttered anything political, Mark Rutte managed to scrape a government together. He then went on to be named politician of the year - was this for his perseverance? Determination? Strength in the face of adversity?

Crime: The most notorious criminal of the year (and not for the first time I suspect) has to be Joran van der Sloot. Currently awaiting trial for the murder of a Peruvian woman, Stephany Flores Ramirez, van der Sloot was arrested in May this year. He hit the headlines with his suspected involvement in the disappearance of Natalee Holloway.


Sport: The sports highlight of 2010 can be no other than the Dutch team reaching the World Cup final in South Africa. An amazing achievement, despite the loss and the after party also hit headlines across the world.

Showbiz: Footballer Wesley Sneijder and Yolanthe Cabau van Kasbergen are a bit like David Beckham and Posh Spice but then a little less well-known and Yolanthe never belonged to a girl's band (she's an actress/presenter). They did, however, get hitched in Italy in the summer - barely giving Wesley time to recover from the world cup hangover. There was romance, glamour and a dispute over unpaid bills - showbiz in true style. It was all over the press  - whether you wanted to know about it or not.

Volcanoes: The best volcanic action this year was definitely the Icelandic one which no one can pronounce. It stopped air traffic everywhere. In fact, mother nature has done her best this year to ground planes across the world. She even tried to ruin my Sinterklaas celebrations.

What's the highlight of your year been? What has stuck most with you from events in the Netherlands or your home country in 2010?

Killing Two Birds with One Stone - Zebra Crossings and Police Targets

Photo: Christian Kitazume 

There has been a bit of attention in the press recently for the scrapping by the Minister of Security, Mr Opstelten, of ticket quotas for police officers.

The management team of Utrecht's boys in blue has instead issued a "guideline"of around 160 tickets per year and this will also take account of those police who are not consistently out patrolling the streets. Police performance assessments will still include this element.

Some of the police on Utrecht's force say it is pestering the public. I say "get your butts out to the nearest zebra crossing and meet your quota in a week." Seriously - public safety and a good performance assessment - win win right?

There was a recent article in the Dutch press that stated that more and more drivers are not stopping at zebra crossings. Worse still, many drivers don't actually realise they are required by law to stop and allow pedestrians to cross (the law states those persons clearly about to cross the road). This isn't the first post (or second or third) where I've touched upon this topic - and it won't be the last - but it is a pet peeve.

There is a zebra crossing on the road I cross to get to my son's school. I have stood there in a group of mothers, prams and toddlers whilst cars race on through and we have been collectively amazed that our invisible cloaks really do work!!!!! Mutterings in the group standing with me of "I'd like to throw a brick at cars that don't stop" tell me I am not the only one this bugs....

So anyway - two birds, one stone.