Expat Friends - What Are they Worth?

Friends
Photo: Sanja Gjenero

When you are an expat your social circle is probably quite varied. How long you are living abroad, the circumstances that brought you to a new country and where you are living all contribute to the make-up of your friends abroad.

For my newsletter in June I wrote about the friends you make as an expat and how they compare to the friends you already have back 'home'. Here's an extract:

A recent expat survey conducted by the HSBC concluded that expat life in the Netherlands is not easy. The results claimed that it’s hard to learn the language, make friends and integrate into the local culture and community.


I ran a blog post on it back in May and the comments came pouring in from expats in the Netherlands, as well as Dutch readers.


It seems that many of the readers wholeheartedly agree with the survey conclusions. Making friends with the locals seems to be a real stumbling block and most people find themselves friends with expats, despite the effort they perceive they put in with the local people.


It’s an interesting topic – friendships when you’re an expat. Are they different to the friendships you form if you stay in your home country? Are the friends you make whilst you are abroad as close as the ones you have back “home”? Are they as long lasting? It got me thinking……

You can read the full post here and if you want future editions of the monthly newsletter Expats@Home delivered straight to your inbox you can sign up on the home page of www.thewritingwell.eu.

The Making and Breaking of a House Sale in the Netherlands: Our Two Weeks of Hell

We have just been through two weeks of hell with potential buyers for our house. The only thing that has kept our sanity in tact is the fact that we have a great estate agent selling our house who is also acting as our "buying" estate agent or aankoopmakelaar as it is called in Dutch.

The concept of having an estate agent that concentrates on selling your house and one that focuses on helping you buy a house is something that was alien to me when I moved to the Netherlands. For the first two houses we bought we only used an agent to sell our house, and we did all the buying 'stuff' ourselves. We learned our lesson..... (for pros and cons of hiring an aankoopmakelaar visit EigenHuis.nl - in Dutch)

With our next planned move we decided to use an aankoopmakelaar and it turned out to be a great move - he had secured us our next house within a few hours (yes, hours!) and we couldn't have been happier. That's what a GOOD aankoopmakelaar brings to the process.

Frustrating? You Could Say That!
Photo: Pop Catalin

Unfortunately, not all aankoopmakelaars are of the same calibre and the one representing our potential buyers managed single-handedly to destroy the chain for all buyers and sellers involved. After two weeks of messing around we threw in the towel and declared negotiations over - with such an agent and a process a house sale was just not worth the stress and aggravation.

The aankoopmakelaar had obviously promised the potential buyers he would get them a certain price at the beginning of the process and tried everything he could to keep that promise - deadlines were not communicated to his clients, he failed to relay price negotiation movements to his clients and lies and dirty games were in abundance. He told our estate agent one thing and his clients something completely different. In fact, he personified the reason why estate agents have earned themselves a bad reputation - at least in the UK anyway!!

Our estate agent was not amused to say the least and it was reassuring to us that our 'buyers' estate agent had horrified our own estate agent with his unusual and deplorable behaviour. To hear an estate agent say "I'm glad that's all over," and "I'm glad that didn't go through," when it doesn't end in a sale is truly a marvel...... He'll be taking the issue further but we're just glad we're out of the process.

We have certainly learnt a lot about the world of estate agents from the last few weeks. Our estate agent explained there is a code of conduct between estate agents, especially in a geographical area, and lying and deception is just not done. Yes, estate agents play games but they don't tell lies and manipulate the process and parties involved. For such behaviour, they lose their NVM status.... if they were good enough to have it in the first place of course...... In a housing market that has already been sickened by the economic crisis such estate agents do nothing to help.

The housing market is a tough one out there for sellers at the moment - BUT this does show that a bad choice of aankoopmakelaar can mean the process ends in disaster for the buyers too (ours wanted to move end of August this year so they have a fun few months ahead trying to make that happen).

Here's a couple of tips if you are looking to buy a house in the Netherlands:

• An aankoopmakelaar can be worth their fees and more if they are good - ask around for a recommendation. 
• Make sure that the estate agent you choose belongs to the NVM (Nederlandse Vereniging voor Makelaars) or the VBO. This means they must adhere to certain standards. Yes, you guessed it, our 'interested party' chose one who is a member of neither organisation and standards were low to say the least......
• Make sure the aankoopmakelaar knows the local market you are trying to buy a house in. The one representing our 'buyers' did not and made demands that were instantly thrown out. It didn't make him look very competent or the buyers very credible.
• Make sure you don't insult the sellers and get them off side with a ridiculously low opening offer. It doesn't bode well for the negotiation process. Nothing like pissing off the owners of the house you want to call home......
• If a deadline is set for discussion, keep to it. Unless the sellers are desperate to move patience and trust in you as a potential buyer will quickly be lost.
• It's important that you trust your estate agent and that it clicks between you. Are you getting the full story from your aankoopmakelaar?

And of course if you are looking to buy or sell a house in the Zoetermeer and wider area I can recommend a good estate agent - just send me an email and ask!

Who has more tips? Anyone had a good/bad experience buying or selling a house here?

Dutch Happiness and Part-Time Working: Is It Linked?

Most Dutch Women choose to work
part-time
Photo: Kurhan

According to the CBS, nearly 75% of Dutch women in the work place work part-time. It's the highest part-time rate in the EU, despite the fact that the Netherlands has the second highest rate of women workers in the EU: 71.5% of Dutch women work.

It's not a new topic. But it remains a fascinating one. The Dutch government began trying to encourage women to take on full time employment with tax incentives in the 1990s. They didn't work. In fact, the tax breaks did exactly the opposite and encouraged women to work even fewer hours.

As a comparison: The New York Times states that 23% of women in the United States work part time. That is a staggering difference. What accounts for this part time working trend?

One theory back in 2009 was that men were holding women back - shorter hours and less pay for women being the result. The UN commissioned a study, only to find that only 4% of women part-time workers actually wanted to work full-time or longer hours. Dutch women are actually happy to work part-time. They don't want additional responsibility in the workplace. They don't want to work longer hours.

So is it that Dutch women are lazy? Would they rather be at home watching Oprah than sitting in the work place? Is a daily visit to the gym more important than an increased income?

No, it's about personal freedom. About being able to make choices about how life is lived. Dutch mothers are not prepared to give up their family time and leave full-time child-rearing to expensive creches or the grandparents. Those without children choose to 'enjoy life' instead of working full-time. The Dutch want a good work-life balance. The Dutch are family oriented and value their leisure time (as anyone living here will validate - sunny evenings and weekends mean that the locals are out in force with their bikes enjoying themselves - not in an office to please the boss).

Women, and their partners, are contented with this Dutch culture of part-time working. And the result? Happy women! In fact, the Dutch generally score high in happiness rankings (in the top ten). Looks like somebody is doing something right somewhere in the Netherlands. Don't you think?

Crikey, That Snail's Got No Clothes On

A Naked Snail Photo: Antonio Garcia

I was pushing my one year old in his pram whilst my four year was jumping over puddles on the pavement next to us on our way back to infant school after lunch. The heavens had opened that morning and the rain had been continuous since I had done the first school run of the day that morning. In front of us was a mother with a four year old girl dressed from head to toe in pink in one hand and her slightly older brother in the other hand. Suddenly the trip stopped before us and the young girl let out a shriek,

"Ew. Wat is dat mama?" she asked, turning to her mother. She pointed at the ground to a slug.

"Dat is een naaktslak," said her mother laughing. The Dutch word for slug, naaktslak, litterally translates to naked snail. Both children were now laughing. The young boy said,

"Yes, he woke up this morning and forgot to put his clothes on." His little sister giggled. As did I. My four year old looked up at me,

"Nee, toch mama?" he asked, questioning the validity of the boy's statement. The mother continued,

"Yes, he must have been very confused when he woke this morning."

It reminded me just how fabulous the Dutch language can be!

A Letter from the Netherlands Blog - Short Interludes

Over the last few weeks the odd week has flown by with no posts at all, or only one when I generally as a rule try to post twice a week. It will happen a lot more over the coming weeks I fear so a little explanation and update is due!

The short story is that things are manic. Mad. Busy. Manic.

The long story goes a little like this: Our house is on the market and so we are house hunting. It takes up more time than I would have imagined - it also creates the feeling of living in limbo so my mind is elsewhere most days. The reason for the desired house move? Baby number three is on the way and due in October this year so we need more room. Aside from needing an extra bedroom, it feels like the right time for change. We've been in this house for nine years now, and it feels time to move on. So things are changing everywhere I look.

So time is an issue, focus is some days a problem and energy is certainly playing a role - I'm doing my best to keep all the balls in the air as they say, but some weeks will slip by and the blog may be a little neglected. Normal service will be resumed as soon as normal life is resumed....... so it may be some time before the short interludes disappear.

Country Hopping from the Netherlands

One of the many things I love about living in the Netherlands is the fact that we can jump in the car and drive to any number of countries - we can be "abroad" without the use of an aeroplane or ferry in no time at all. Given that I am a Brit this is a big thing!

Our latest venture to foreign lands was a two week vacation in Lower Normandy in France. We jumped in the car and off we drove.... well, when I say jumped in the car..

What I actually mean is we spent days accumulating the essentials for a family of four to take with us, had a last minute panicked scramble around at 6 a.m. on the morning of our departure to gather the real essentials such as favourite toys, musical Pooh Bear sleeping aid for my 4 year old, sandwiches, drinks and DVDs......., spent 90 minutes packing the car up, bundled two sleepy, grumpy children in to the car and then hit the road. After ten minutes we stopped to sort the car DVD player out..... an hour later we stopped for a toilet break after hearing "ik moet plassen" fifty times....... you get the picture.



Eight hours after we left our home in Zuid-Holland we arrived tired but relieved at our gite in Longues Sur Mer on the Normandy coast.

The Beach at Longues Sur Mer (c) The Writing Well 2011

Normandy Shop Front (c) The Writing Well 2011

Shell Covered Beach at Port-en-Bessin (c) The Writing Well 2011

View from the Gites in Longues sur Mer (c) Lars van Mulligen

Two weeks later, after a fantastic break, we did the same journey in reverse...... and it was worth every minute in the car.

Have You Had Some Foot Action?

At 2.30pm on a sunny Tuesday my doorbell rang. I paused the telephone conversation I was having to head to my front door. As I opened the door a flash of blue entered my vision. Two police officers stood in front of my house. My heart missed a beat - the first thought being the worst.... then I noted the smile on the  face before me. Bad news isn't brought with a smile, I thought.

A policeman stood before me, in full police jacket and hat, and a policewoman stood a little behind him, giving the impression of loitering in the street. She smiled over his shoulder.

"Goedemiddag mevrouw," he began. And he went on to tell me that they had seen that my kitchen window was open and had rung the doorbell to see if I was in. Baffled I stated the obvious, "Ja, ik ben thuis....." Then he explained.

It's part of a national campaign to warn residents about the risks of burglary if you fail to secure your windows and doors before you leave the house.

Had I not been home but had left my kitchen window open I would now be the not so proud owner of a white footprint shaped note saying,

"This footprint could have been made by a burglar."

Last week alone in the Haaglanden region, police (and volunteers) left 900 footprints in houses to warn residents to secure their houses in their absence.

For more information and prevention tips see the Haaglanden police website (in Dutch) or the special folder.

Expats Meet Dutchies..... Dutchies Meet Expats: A Family Picnic 12 June

My blog post about the survey that implies the Netherlands is an expat unfriendly country hit a nerve with many of you - especially when it came to the subject of making local friends.

So on this note.. I thought I would share an event with you which is designed to help you meet local Dutch people and vice versa.

On Sunday 12 June, Expat Buddy is organising an "A Family Picnic Affair" in Westerpark in Amsterdam. It starts at 2pm and finishes at 5pm. Bring the kids, a picnic basket and something to sit on and wile the afternoon away in the company of Dutchies and Expats. There's lots of information in the flyer below - and you can find details on www.xllentguidance.com






































ExpatBuddy's concept is "We are your temporary best friend" for the difficult period just after your relocation, focusing on the social and emotional distress of moving and making sure expats and their families have someone to support them finding their way around - a network, jobs, recruitment, lifestyle, neighborhood etc. In short, ExpatBuddy.nl is an aftercare service provider.

The company also organises HRM Expat knowledge sessions to create awareness about the emotional state of mind of expats and spouses after relocating - something international companies could certainly benefit from if expat surveys are anything to go by.

So put it in your diary - and maybe I'll see you there next Sunday!