Fleeting Feats

My mom just waltzed in with a mixing bowl, the crazies had run their fingers along it scraping up every last remaining swipe of chocolate creating a picasso like art piece that rivals any in the museums. There are delicious smells of chicken and veggies wafting their way thru the house, enticing everyone to come have a little taste. Our school work is finished, piano has been practiced. I am for a brief moment in time caught up with our laundry, the house is at long last cleaned, and miracle of all miracles, I finally got thru my spring cleaning. For a split second I can revel in my doneness. 

Welcome, September- I am ready.


P.S. The lot of us are headed to the lake tomorrow to soak up every last remaining drip of summer, and I am excited. Hope everyone is enjoying their three day weekend!

False facts about prostitution murders

FACT: NETHERLANDS, prostitution is legal: 127 murders. SWEDEN, where pimping, buying, brothel-keeping are banned: 1

That's what a tweet says that's going around on the internet. The information is based on a message of a cold case team from the Dutch police (source here), who are investigating cold case murders. In the message, it states that 127 prostitutes have been murdered in the past 30 years. And this is exactly where the so called 'fact' in this tweet goes wrong.

But let's start with the beginning. The tweet states 127 murders, yet does not mention a time frame, giving people the idea that the same time frame is being used  for the Swedish murders and the Dutch murders, as even an article claims here. This is however not the case. The 127 murders come from the past 30 years, from 1987 to 2013, while the 1 murder from Sweden has been counted from 1998, only 15 years. This means the time frame for Sweden (15 years) is only half of the time frame from The Netherlands (30 years).

But there's more wrong with this so called 'fact'. Let's take for example the very simple fact that prostitution in The Netherlands is legal, and therefore very visible and open. While on the other hand in Sweden clients have been criminalized, forcing prostitution to go underground.
So while in The Netherlands prostitutes are easy to find, and many even legally registered at the Chambers of Commerce, making it easier to track down if someone was a prostitute or not, in Sweden the authorities have no idea who is a prostitute and who is not. It's no wonder Sweden only counted 1 murdered prostitutes, because they have no idea which murdered women are prostitutes and which ones are not, except for that one case. And even if a client knows the prostitute that was murdered, he's never going to admit it, since that would not only make him a possible suspect, but also means he could be arrested for visiting a prostitute. This only proves that Sweden has completely no idea about how many prostitutes there are, where they are, or even how many of them are in danger. In short, a very concerning situation.
So it basically comes down to this. If you're a prostitute in Sweden, if you're in danger, you're in big trouble, because the police will never come to help you, because they don't know where you are and what you're doing. While in Holland prostitutes have police protection, and clients are less scared to speak up.

So the statistics from Sweden aren't going to help us very much. Since first of all they don't know who the prostitutes are, but secondly also don't want to admit that their precious Swedish model has only endangered prostitutes rather then protected them.
But what could help us out are the statistics from Holland. After all, prostitution has been legalized since 2000, but even before it had been legalized it wasn't criminalized. This meant that prostitution before it was legalized was very much visible, as it is today, but just less protected. So the question now comes down to: did less murders happen in The Netherlands since the legalization in 2000? Because if indeed less murders where committed after the legalization, it would prove that legalization protects prostitutes better then not legalizing it, like how they did in Sweden.

The Netherlands legalized prostitution back in 2000. This means that the 127 murders do not only come from a period in which prostitution had been legalized, but also includes a period in which prostitution had not been legalized. In fact, we're talking about 13 years of legalized prostitution AND 17 years of not legalized prostitution. In short, we cannot make an automatic assumption that those 127 murders where purely the cause of the legalization, especially not since the majority of the time period came from a period before it had been legalized.
Fortunately though the internet can give us a hand here. There are a number of websites (source 1 and 2) which keep track of prostitution murders. They try to track back as many murders as possible, but as you can imagine, the older the cases are, the more difficult it becomes to find them back. This will re-assure us that probably the statistics from after 2000 are pretty much up to date, and as we go back in years it has become increasingly more difficult to find back data about it. This especially has to deal with the fact that since the introduction of the internet, it has become much easier to trace back information, while before the internet it's much more difficult to trace murders back. In short, the more recent the information, the more accurate they'll be.

Now to be fair in counting the number of murders, I'll count the number of murders from before and after the legalization over the same time frame, meaning from 1986 to 1999 for non-legalized prostitution murders, and from 2000 to 2013 for legalized prostitution murders, both a period of 13 years.
Doing a head count from the provided sources, I come down to 40 murders before the legalization (of which the last murder want back as far as 1989 which means I probably missed a few from the years before that), and 27 murders since prostitution has been legalized. To give you people a little bit of an idea, this means that before the legalization of prostitution in Holland every year around 3 prostitutes where murdered, while since it has been legalized this has dropped down to about 2 prostitutes each year. This means that since prostitution has been legalized, one prostitute less is getting killed each year. In total there have been 14 less killings in the same period after legalization in contrast to before the legalization. That's a decrease of 35% less murders since it's been legalized!

But let's also think about this for a moment. Why would legalizing a profession would make that profession less safe? Any normal functioning person can come to only one conclusion, which is that this doesn't make any sense at all. After all, if a job is legal, people have rights, people are protected and people aren't afraid and in need of hiding. This makes upholding the law for the police much easier, solving crimes much easier, but more importantly, preventing crimes much easier.
What explanation could other people give as to why pushing a profession underground would make it safer? Every idiot knows that pushing things underground only makes it easier for criminals to get their hands on. Look back at the 1930's and the prohibition of alcohol, did that make the alcohol industry more or less safe? I'll give you a hint, Al Capone wasn't arrested just because he didn't pay his taxes.
The only logical explanation a decrease in murders of prostitution by criminalizing it's clients would work, is if all the prostitutes would decide to either quit or move out of the country. That's something the Swedish government of course would love to claim, but we all know that's not true. Just because the Swedish government can't find the prostitutes, or very little of them, doesn't mean that they're not there. It just means it's gone underground, to places where authorities have no control, and justice is at the hands of those who've got the most muscle. And I can tell you right now, the prostitutes aren't the ones with the most muscles.

The facts stated in the tweet above is FALSE. First of all, the 127 murders came from a period twice as long as the Swedish number mentioned. Secondly, the majority of the 127 murders where committed in a period before the legalization (60% before, 40% after). And thirdly, since the legalization the number of murdered prostitutes have dropped with about 35%, proving legalization has caused a decrease in the number of murders committed on prostitutes. But most importantly, Sweden can't keep track of the prostitutes, because they've forced it to go underground, meaning they don't know which murdered women are prostitutes.

Bottom line is, since the legalization in Holland, less prostitutes have been murdered, Sweden can't tell because they don't know who are prostitutes and who are not. The number of murders in Sweden may very well be higher, since prostitutes are moving underground where everybody knows it's less safe. Just because the Swedish government doesn't count them, doesn't mean it's not happening. If that doesn't prove that legalization is far better then criminalizing prostitutes or it's clients, I don't know anymore.

Dutch version

Looking for a new appartment

After a couple of years of living in our wonderful apartment we're forced now to look for a new place. Not because we didn't pay the rent, not because our landlord found out about my job and didn't accept it, not because our neighbors had trouble with my job. No, simply because he's coming back from abroad and therefore we can't stay there anymore.

Last time it took us about 6 months before we found an apartment where the landlord accepted my job. It was a long and hard search, and we got refused multiple times because of my job. They didn't always say it directly to us, but sometimes we just got turned down with the excuse that the apartment wasn't available anymore when they heard about my job, but when a couple of days later my boyfriend called them up again from a different number it turned out that was not the case at all.
Another apartment was also supposedly 'already taken', that apartment stayed empty for more then 6 months after our offer. Other agencies sometimes where just honest about it, and told us nobody would accept us with my job.

The last apartment we visited, before we found this apartment, was almost a closed deal already. I was just about to sign the contract, had all the money cash with me to pay everything, when the owner all of the sudden got cold feet about it, and started to worry about things. 'Yes, but what if you take your customers over here, I don't want that!' he replied. It's one of the many arguments I've heard from people about why they're scared to take in sex workers.
But even if you explain to them that the reason why you work behind the window is because you don't want your customers in your own house, they're still not convinced. After a while I had enough of arguing with him and told him I didn't want the apartment anymore. He was shocked, and all of the sudden started to say there was no problem and I could take it, but that I couldn't register my company at this adress. But I already had enough of it. Either you gladly accept your new tenants, or you don't start complaining.

Our current landowner didn't have a problem at all with it. It wasn't an issue for him as long as we kept the apartment nice and payed the rent in time. We don't have much contact with him, since we never have problems with him and he never has problems with us. He knows we always pay our rent in time, he knows we won't make a mess of his apartment, and he knows I won't bring customers to the apartment.
Yet, unfortunately not many other people think like him, as is the case now with our search for a new apartment. Getting apartment refused is not a surprise at all anymore. In fact, it's more of a surprise to us when people do accept it.

Today again was another example of getting refused purely based upon my job. We were interested in an apartment, but like always the agency first wanted to get some info about our income, our employers and our jobs. We feel no need to try and hide it, after all, if we lie about it they can always find out later and then we can get into even bigger problems. But often you don't even have to tell people what job you're doing, just saying you're from Romania and you're a self-employed business owner already tells them enough. Secondly, I'd way rather life in the apartment of someone who just accepts this job, rather then someone who only thinks about the prejudices about this job.
So my boyfriend wrote them an e-mail, stating our income, his employer details and our jobs. He also explained in the e-mail that I don't work from the apartment and keep my job and my private life strictly separate. And that's when we got the email back which stated:

"Dear Mark,

I appreciate your honesty about your girlfriend, but the owner doesn't wish to rent to people from the sex industry. It will therefore be difficult to find an apartment through the agencies, because we all use basically the same criteria that we get from the landlords.

Best regards,"

As you can see, also the agencies make no secret about it that sex workers get discriminated purely based on our job. Yet, I never understood exactly why. After all, prostitutes make enough money to pay for the rent, while other people who wish to rent an apartment in the center of Amsterdam would have to struggle to pay for the rents they ask in the city's center. Prices currently for an average apartment are around 1500 euro's a month or more. Yet, prostitutes who can make this money in one single weekend get refused, while others with less salary get accepted. I don't understand these people. Why do you wish to keep out people who you can be sure of that they can pay the rent, for people who may need to struggle each month to make that amount of money?

The main reason why people are so scared to rent to a prostitute is because they're ignorant about the job. They think we take our customers home. But if I wanted to take my customers home, then why would I still pay 150 euro a night for my working room if I'm not going to use it anyway?
Other people are scared it may attract other 'shady' type of people. But why would I want to attract 'shady' people to a place where I live? Don't they realize that I have to live there and not them? Why would I want shady people hanging around my house?
They automatically think that because you're a prostitute that you just hang out with shady people, criminals and dirty men, like that's something we enjoy in our own spare time. It's a typical example of how legally prostitution has been decriminalized, but not mentally yet. It may be a legal job, but people don't treat it any different because it's legal. We still get treated like lepers, like outcast, like vermin. The only thing that's changed is that now we're legal vermin, which means we have to pay taxes for being this, but unfortunately we haven't gotten any of the rights. Legalizing has got us all the obligations of paying taxes for instance, and having to work and live by the rules the government made up for us, but none of the rights regular people have, like opening a business bank account, getting a loan from a bank, a mortgage or even something as simple as renting an apartment.

But most of the times you don't even get to the point where you can explain these things to them. By default you're already an outcast, and not given any chance. They simply don't want to listen. After all, they can find 100 more people for you, even if they have trouble to pay the rent for it, it's still better then a prostitute. I truly don't understand this.
If things where up to me, I'd gladly accept prostitutes in my apartments. In fact, I'd even prefer it, since they always pay their rent on time, because they don't want any trouble added on the daily problems they already experience being a prostitute. And they'll try and be as quiet about it as they can, because if they don't, the neighbors might cause problems. So actually, prostitutes are very good people to accept in your apartments, since they'll avoid problems with you as much as possible, since you're one of the few people who will accept them, and it may be very difficult to find a new place for them. Plus they have more then enough money to pay for the rent, and they'll keep it quiet, because they don't want any trouble.

Sadly however, most prostitutes get refused. Even though prostitution is a completely legal job, we have all the registrations the government demands from us, we have a bookkeeper that does our administration for us, and we follow all the rules, people still won't accept us simply because of our job.
The search for an apartment is extremely difficult, especially in a city like Amsterdam, where searching for an apartment is already almost suicide. For this reason you'll often see girls living together. The few girls that do manage to get a house, often take in other girls who still haven't found one. And there are simply too few landlords accepting prostitutes, to take in each prostitute. This causes landlords who accept prostitutes to be in a monopoly position, in where they can demand everything from the prostitutes, because they know the girls can't find a place elsewhere easily. Yet, the police and politicians act surprised when they find 10 girls living together, and immediately see it as a sign of human trafficking.
When girls put everything on the name of their boyfriend, because the landlords will accept their boyfriends but not the girls themselves, people again call it human trafficking, because the girl pays for everything while it's in his name. Yes, of course it is in his name if you people will never accept prostitutes as residents!
And then some people act really surprised when some guys take advantage of these kind of situations, and use a girl who has these kind of trouble, to get a nice apartment and money for himself. Yes indeed, discriminating prostitutes like this, and not giving them the rights other people have, makes prostitutes more vulnerable for real human trafficking!

So, my dear readers, landlords, police officers and politicians. If you really want to fight human trafficking, I'd suggest you start by making sure we get the rights we deserve to have. That discrimination against prostitution stops. Only if prostitutes can move freely in this country, and are not subjected to constant discrimination, stigmatization and criminalization, you will make prostitutes less vulnerable to human trafficking. Anything that adds to the stigmatization, criminalization or discrimination of prostitutes is supporting and aiding human traffickers to gain more victims. On top of that, giving prostitutes more rights so they can move more freely does not only cause less women to become victim because they're in a vulnerable position, but also makes it easier to spot the girls that are forced into this job. After all, the more freely a prostitute can move and behave, the bigger the contrast will be with someone who cannot. So please stop the traffic, and give us the rights and not just the obligations.

Dutch version

all in a name

Do you ever wonder what makes parents choose certain names? Where did they come up with this moniker, is it a family name, why do they love it?

For me, it's one of the hardest parts about having these wee babes. I wasn't one of those girls growing up who knew how many kids I wanted and kept a growing list of what I would dub them.  It's all taken me quite by surprise. Which is fun, except for coming up with these titles. Thus far all my littles names do have some kind of story or meaning behind them, and I thought I would share Eleanor's.

If you recall from here, I don't have great pregnancies. To say the least- I am very sick, for the entirety. Nobody understands why and there doesn't seem to be any cure except survival. Which we do. The babies are healthy so we consider ourselves blessed.

One day, near the end of my last pregnancy, the kids were napping, and Kaleb was outside building our wild ones bunk beds. I had this brief and glorious moment of reprieve. So I stumbled my way out of doors to sit in the cool grass and chat with Kaleb.

The Avett Brothers were on in the background, their lyrics whisking and circling around us. A soundtrack to our interlude. While he labored on we caught up, prattling on about life, how hard those last few months had been and of course- what we would name this upcoming bundle.

Just then, 'Fathers First Spring' wafted in on light air.

My heart never beat like it does at the sight.  Of you baby blue, God blessed your life

I do not live 'less I live in your light…

My heart is now ruined for the rest of all time

There's no part of it left to give…

The day that I met Eleanor 

We both looked at each other and quietly breathed. . . Eleanor. As quickly as the decision was made my sickness descended. I crawled my way back to bed and Kaleb tucked me in.

And we will always remember it. This hour that I felt good and we caught up, the atmosphere charged with love. . . 

and our baby had a name.

color me excited

Once every blue moon I come across a ware for my crazies that is so fun and makes life just a little bit easier. An item that is actually a great buy and not a complete waste of the ole coins. I happened to stumble upon these body crayons a couple years ago, and they have been that purchase.

They really are so great! They keep the kids and I entertained for hours. The kiddos will have me draw faces and rockets, sharks and flowers and then they go to town scribbling about on themselves. They have also been a useful tool to add to our schooling. The boys use them to practice the alphabet and numbers, writing A's and B's all over mommy and daddy.

They do rub off some on furniture and carpet, but I've always found it washes off easily and it comes right off the wild ones at bath time. We have used ours until the crayons are down to the nubs so I just ordered a new set. I found them on Amazon for $14.00, yay!

What about you- is there a product you just love for your own wee ones and makes life with littles just a bit easier? 

Accidental magic

One day last week I had a brief moment where I just had my big three. School had just been completed and we were desperate to work out some wiggles. It was an incredibly hot day, the air was thick and muggy making it almost difficult to breathe. Naturally we headed to the pond to swim.

As we ran down our beach, heading for that blissfully cool water, the sand scorching our toes- the air shifted. There was something special, surrounding us.

We played and sang love songs. We built sand channels for G.I. Joes and dug for buried treasures like the buccaneers we pretended to be. Then we swam out and dove down coming up with handfuls of thick red Arkansas clay which we promptly plonked down on the shore to mold and shape pots, pans and candlestick holders.

Sandwiched inbetween our artistic endeavors, we giggled as we chatted about life and growing up. Without knowing it or planning for it, the day became magic. One I hope to remember for all times. 

As we drove back to the house, windows down and the hot air rushing past us, a tear trickled down my cheek. A mixture of abandoned joy combined with a feeling of loss for how quickly it all goes by, and I was completely overtaken with love.

something to crow about

I was hesitant to start making chicken broth. It was one of those task that seemed overwhelming and better left to the die-hards. But after reading up on it and having a plethora of chicken in my freezer, I decided I had better jump on board.

First thing you need to know-it's so easy! Not overwhelming at all actually. Second- it's yummy, way better than anything you could buy in the store. Third- it's unbelievably good for you. 

It's been called a cure-all for generations. It's amazing for sore-throats and colds, joint health, detoxing the liver, and incredible for any sort of gut issues. On top of that it's divine for hair, skin and nails. It puts a hop in your step, and a giddy-up in your love life. How could you pass that up?

My freezer is jammed full of the stuff. I use it in literally everything and drink it by the glassful when laid up. When I was making Eleanor's baby food, I would thin out all her veggies with homemade bone broth. I felt like such a trailblazer and bonus, I knew how superb it was for her. 

I put it in soups, risottos, and rice. I boil it down into a glaze and pour over meats. I have even been known to use it as a replacement for butter when making fried eggs or sautéed veggies.

So, how do you make this elixir fit for the gods? Here's how. . . 

You will need:

bones/carcass from one organic free range chicken

2 tbsp apple cider vinegar

2 carrots

2 stalks celery

1 onion

1 bunch parsley

After you have roasted a chicken and eaten all the meat off, throw all of the bones in a large pot. Then pour all those delicious juices left over in your roasting pan in with the bones. Next, fill the pot up with water until it covers all the bones and add your vinegar. The acid in the vinegar helps pull out all those lovely minerals and extra goodness. Let that sit for about 30 minutes. Now you're ready to add your veggies(this is optional, but it adds great flavor and some extra vitamins). Bring it all to a boil then turn down the heat to a very low simmer. Simply, leave it alone and let it do it's thing for anywhere from 24-48 hours. About 30 minutes before it's finished throw in your parsley. When it is completely done, take it off the stove and strain it.

There you go, it's really that simple, but you look like a pioneer goddess who totally has her kitchen chops. 

You can pour it into jars and store in the fridge for several days, or place it in freezer safe containers and pop it in the freezer. After it's cold, it should be a beautiful gel like consistency chalk full of mouth watering, body healing, wonder. It's just so clucking good!

midweek escape

Kaleb and I took our buggies on a mini adventure last week. We woke up early piled in the car excited for what may lie ahead. After a quick stop for breakfast and a large cup of coffee we traveled the winding roads thru the hills to a nearby pioneer village.

The wild ones loved it. They dipped candlesticks, assisted a broom maker, observed jewelry making and questioned a blacksmith who made square nails. After we had filled up on all the pioneer fun we could, we headed to a neighboring creek to cool off.

We waded in deep, explored dark coves, ventured to catch fish with only our bare hands. We skipped rocks, and hunted tadpoles and laughed til our sides ached.

Kaleb secretly discovered a heart shaped rock and surprised me with it when we returned home. A little momento to remember our day. Can I just say - I am one lucky lady! This family of mine, I love them so.

Inked dreams

A couple years ago, I was in the throws of it. Deep in the heart of motherhood. I had birthed three babes in three and half years, and had yet to pause and come up for air. My every moment was filled: breastfeeding, playing, cooking, snuggling, cleaning, wiping, chasing, laundering, smooch and repeat.

Don't mistake that to mean I didn't love it. I loved every moment of it. Having little ones suits me. I love to feel needed, invaluable and cherished- who doesn't? But, sometimes in the midst of it, it is easy to get in a little mommy rut. When all your thoughts and every waking moment is consumed with worry. Agonizing over the right diapers, baby food, lotions. Wondering if they are where they need to be developmentally, fretting about their lives ten months from now, ten years from now, and  brooding over every other tiny facet that comes with raising wild ones.

So, what does one do when your desperate for a night out, and craving just one brief moment of something a little wild, and a bit naughty... 

Tattoos! 

Naturally. 

What could possibly be dreamier then heading out into the night with the man of my dreams and getting tattoos together, right?

Well, as it turns out, a lot actually! In my head I pictured it  this evening out where we would go get cute matching tattoos and talk and laugh, and I'd be all dressed up and feeling foxy and it would be magic. Not really what happened. . . Kaleb had other ideas. . . 

We show up to the tattoo parlor around 8 all excited and ready to go. Unfortunately the artist was a little backed up, so he didn't get to start for a couple hours. Then Kaleb decides to get a giant tree on his side. 5 hours later it's finally my turn. At this point I'm exhausted, bored and hangry, and I know we've got to be back home and on our parenting game first thing in the morning. So, I'm like "just slap the thing on and lets get out of here!"

Needless to say, it wasn't as deliriously dreamy and wild as I  had hoped.

So here's a few tips if you ever find yourself in a rut and decide tattoos are just the ticket to a romantic night out.

1. Get something small! Now, this is very important or you will find yourself laying on a couch in a strange sort of room at two in the morning reading Inked magazines.

2. If you decide to get some sort of writing, be prepared to answer what it says for the rest of your life.

3. Bring snacks, some water, maybe a good book.

4. Just do it- It's a memory and life's for the living.

Let us commence

I like to do a little photo shoot every year on the first day of school. It's a perfect milestone to look back on and see how much they have changed and grown. I asked Zain what he wanted to be when he grows up and he said a school teacher, because he wanted to be like me- well my mamma heart just melted a little bit. I consider it one of my greatest blessings to get to stay home with these buggies and to have the opportunity to teach them myself is an honor. We are one week in and it was a beautiful week. They were excited and eager to get started each morning, and so was I.  A great beginning to what I hope will be an unforgettable year!