Here's to a Great Week

Today, I am feeling happy. 

All that hormonal wildness seems to have passed and I am left at peace- giddy for the upcoming week. My sweet Kaleb has moved all the furniture, fixins, and rooms back to where they were and I can't explain how good it feels. Who needs a school room really? From the wise words of a kind reader "school happens anywhere, stop trying to bring the classroom home." So very true. 

Also, I completely scrapped our previous homeschooling curriculum and after hours and hours of intense, rigorous research- I managed to combine a few different approaches to come up with a plan that has brought back the happy and sweet buttery bliss that I once dreamed of.

I'm also riding on a high from my first, ever, successful go at a crockpot. I know, they are suppose to be infallible, but I have only had epic fails in my vain past attempts, so this was a real win!

I got to spend the entire day on Friday out and about- eating, shopping, and eating some more with a dear friend. I tell ya true- my people skills have gone wwwwaaaayyy down, and they weren't that great to begin with. I have completely forgotten how to have adult conversations, it's like any other skill and must be practiced, and I have not. So, If you ever meet me some day, I apologize in advance- it will probably be awkward.

Also, I want to say a big Thank You to all of you! Your beautiful comments and thoughts on fear- they encouraged me, they brought me hope and peace and I'm thankful for this incredible community and each of you.

Somehow all of this combines into a thrill. A feeling in the depth of my tummy that is rumbling with excitement- I'm not sure what all the week holds, but it seems good.

Do the math!

So after the big news that Amsterdam wants to offer sex workers 19 windows to start their own brothels, many people were happy about that. I am skeptical about it. After all, after the brothel ban was lifted in 2000 Amsterdam had about 510 prostitution windows, right now there are only 395 left of those, as a result of Project 1012.
The project 1012 that once had been sold to the audience to 'fight trafficking', by taking away safe and legal workplaces, had as a goal to close down 208 windows in total at the end of 2017. So far they've closed down 115 of them, which means we still have 93 windows to go. People that think Project 1012 is behind us just because the mayor has decided to re-open 19 brothels for sex workers themselves, are sadly mistaken. Project 1012 is still going, in fact, all the decisions have been made already, so there's almost no turning back anymore.

So even if we get 19 windows back, raising the total from 395 windows now, to 414 windows, they're still going to close down 93 more windows. This would bring the total down to 321 windows, less then there are now, and way less than the 510 that Amsterdam once used to have.
The mayor thinks sex workers won't notice this, if he'll give us 19 windows to shut us up, but he's forgetting one thing: we're good with calculation. After all, we all count our money each day, it's our job, so we have done the calculations for this, and we're still ending up in minus about this. So 19 windows is nice, but it isn't giving us back the 115 windows we've lost thus far, or the 93 windows that are still going to close down.

Another interesting thing that I've came across, was the claim that currently there would be 7000 prostitutes working in Amsterdam, of which 3500 behind the window. What the hell?!
I don't know where these people learned to calculate, but 395 windows aren't going to hold 3500 window prostitutes. This makes no sense at all. Looking at the night time, almost every window is full, meaning there are about 395 girls working in the night. In the day only about 25% of the windows are occupied, since you hardly make any money in the day time, so that's about 100 girls. So let's say that there are about 400 in the night, and 100 in the day, that's 500 girls in total working on a single day. That would mean that 3000 window prostitutes don't work?!
I'm no scientist, but even I know that this is very unlikely. But even if it would be true, giving back 19 windows ain't gonna hold enough place for 3000 prostitutes!

According to the city 19 windows will give place to 50 prostitutes. A weird thing, since there are only 19 windows, which you can only fill twice a day with girls. So 19 girls working in the day, and 19 girls in the night. That's in total 38 girls, and not 50. And that's even assuming that there are 19 girls that want to work in the day, which I doubt, since only 25% of the windows during the day are occupied. So I strongly doubt that they'll ever get to 50 girls.

But okay, let's say that there are about 50 girls that could work there. That would mean that in each window there can be 2,63 girls (19 windows divided by 50 girls). Using this method, this would mean that currently there are currently around 1039 girls working in Amsterdam (395 windows times 2,63 girls). When the new windows open there will be place for 50 more girls, bringing the total up to 1089 girls. Based on the 3500 window prostitutes that got mentioned, this still means almost 2500 girls don't have a place to work.
But wait! It get's better, because of course they're still going to close down 93 more windows (245 girls less), meaning we'll end up with 321 windows for 845 girls. This means that not 50 girls get a new place to work, but 195 more girls loose a place to work between now and 2017. Sure, 50 girls less loose a place to work, that's nice and all, but still 195 girls are going to loose their place to work, on top of the already 303 girls (115 windows have been closed down), that already lost their place to work. That while in 2000 there was still room for 1342 girls (based on 510 windows)!

In short, we've gone from 1342 girls, to only 845 girls left in 2017. Meaning 497 women lost their workplace between 2000 and 2017. That while there are 3500 window prostitutes according to the media in Amsterdam. So what has that improved?
You can give us 19 new windows mr. Van der Laan, but taking away the workplaces of almost 500 girls isn't going to be fixed with giving 50 girls a new place to work. And I haven't even talked about those 3500 that got mentioned in the media, of which apparently you only want 845 girls to have a place to work. Do you really want to kick out 2655 women in the streets?

Dutch version

Fear and Aging

Sometimes, growing up is hard.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the concept that is fear. How it seems to thicken and escalate, taking on a form all it's own, and how that growth seems supremely tied to our capacity to love. My mind has had even more time to ponder as my littlest has come down with a stomach bug, so in-between bouts, I rock back and forth, cradling her tiny form and wondering. Wondering- how  fear starts, where it comes from, why we let it have so much precedence over our lives, and how it seems to ripen and grow with age.

There was a time in my life where I was free. Unhindered by the world around me. A little bit reckless, very naive, with only myself to watch over, and in that haven- the world was my oyster. A home to explore, to live fully, a safe place to roam wild. 

Then something happened, a quick change I wasn't ready for and didn't see coming. It happened in the second, the moment,  I said those two captivating words- "I do." 

In that brief flash there was a near electric shift. It wasn't just me anymore. Someone needed me. We were attached, two parts of a whole. In that moment, I began to understand fear. The fear of losing someone, the fear of losing a portion of yourself. In that space, my mind began to open to a new part of the world, a part that I had yet to observe in my youth- a part riddled with sadness, divorce and sickness. A world that can be scary, unsafe and wholly unpredictable.

With each added child, a little bit more of my heart was split. Given out, affixed to an independent who is running about with the same wild abandon that I once had- and fear began to close in, tightening around my middle like a heavy weight. My mind  locked in a constant battle of how best to protect them, measures to keep them safe in an unsafe environment, constant fighting to keep us together in a world where nothing is promised or permanent.

Each year that passes brings with it the teeniest bit of panic- the clock is running. There is so much for us to do and see, there is only one shot to dream and become, but fear has taken it's hold and those once wildly talked of adventures are now tinged in apprehension and mild foreboding.

So, yeah, growing up is hard. . . but, what I'm slowly, quietly learning is that's what makes it awesome! It's kind of the unpredictable nature of this life that makes it so dreamy. The unknown, the changing, the aging, even the fear of it- make it all so dang beautiful. The sheer fact that we love and love so fully- that we will willingly give out our hearts. We will break it up into tiny pieces and pass it around. That's what this is really all about, isn't it? We are in this place, this big, big, world, to learn love- sticky, wild, shattered, whole love. 

After really thinking about it, praying about it, wallowing in it- I've come to a conclusion. I don't want to place my fears on my wilds simply because they have my heart. It's because they have my heart that I most want to foster their abandon, their energetic pursuit, and their undeniable reckless joy. I want to show them life. A life lived firmly grasping the brevity and the blessing of each day. I want to walk bravely, in the hope that one day, they will too.

Alright, I know, it's deep, it's heady, a bit jumbled and definitely not my average style- but it's where my mind has been. There's a lot of sadness out there, a lot of unforeseen happenstance, but fear won't change it. I want to remember that. Now, I'm off to enjoy our heatwave this weekend, hopefully filled with lots of outdoor play- hikes, dirt biking, possibly a bonfire- barring the fact that nobody else gets this tummy virus, say a prayer for us:) Have a great weekend!

Curried Quinoa

In our home, we are always trying to eat healthier, better, cheaper, you name it! You see, I get bored oh so easily in the ole food department and trying new and exciting recipes is the only way to keep this cook happy. Preparing the same meals day in and day out kills my chef-esque mojo, and in general leads to an extreme lack of gumption to  actually get my buns in the kitchen.

Sadly, I've been plum out of inspiration lately! I have been  rummaging thru cookbooks, scrolling thru blogs and of course snooping about pinterest on the hunt for fresh ideas- something not too difficult, not too time consuming, a little bit out of the box- creativity wise and yet, also chalk full of yumminess and good for you ingredients.

I've been on a huge quinoa kick lately- which is great, because I haven't been able to enjoy it's flavor and nuttiness since I was pregnant with Eleanor. It was one of those weird foods that even the sight of it would make me want to run for the hills. So, I'm just getting my sea legs set and now I'm out to explore all the delicious recipes that can be concocted with this almighty seed(seed right?). 

Thankfully, my sister in law had this little gem tucked up her sleeve, and it is a great one. Easy-check! Delicious- double check! Healthy- check, check, check! It's a total party pleaser. Even my kiddos will eat it and that is saying something. So, here it is, just in case you're in a food rut too:)

Curry Quinoa

ingredients:

2 cups organic quinoa- cooked according to package directions

3 Tbsp Coconut Oil
1 onion
1-2 Tbsp brown sugar or maple syrup
1/2 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup raisins
1 Tbsp curry powder
1 tsp tumeric

On medium low heat, warm your coconut oil, then throw in sliced onions, brown sugar, cumin, chili powder, salt and raisins. Stir it all up for a bit, then turn your heat down to low, and let it simmer away til your onions are soft, brown and caramelized. Next, add in your cooked quinoa, curry and tumeric, salt to taste, then stir til combined and piping hot. 

It's really that simple!

This is why I love recipes like this. They are simple and delicious but leave lots of room for playing around. Personally, I enjoy it with toasted coconut and chopped peanuts thrown on top, maybe with a couple extra raisins for good measure. It's great with ground sausage or left over chicken, and a squeeze of lime makes it all the better.

Happy Cooking

I am always to happy to be led to some new recipes if any of you care to share:)

   

Maybe

Maybe, I really want to learn to dirt bike- regardless of the simple fact that I've given it many a go, only to end up with my body and pride very bruised.

Maybe, I'm in serious need of some head-n-shoulders, this winter air is no bueno for my scalp.

Maybe, I have worlds worst taste in television and am a bit obsessed with Total Divas- go on, judge away, but the Bella Twins are awesome.

Maybe, my girlfriends and I went out in Memphis last weekend and got hit on- A Lot, which felt kinda good to know I still had it- even if I did respond to every corny pick-up line, with 'ummm, yeah, I've got a husband and four kids.' That usually does the trick- good riddance.

Maybe, I have some of the best friends a girl could ever hope for, who love me unconditionally and come up with the brilliant idea to start a school board in design to cure my homeschooling woes.

Maybe, I need a spray tan- even orange seems like a much better skin color than this Snow White-esque vibe I'm attempting to rock.

Maybe, I get insanely nervous when trying to photograph anyone outside my immediate family- So. Much. Pressure. How do people do it?!

Maybe, I'm craving the color green. Some leaves, a thick patch of grass, some small sign that spring is in the air- If it refuses to snow, then let's just be finished here.

Maybe, life has been so good, so full of happiness that any little change makes me unsure. Nervous that it will somehow break the cycle.

Maybe, I should just enjoy it.

Illegal prostitution or human trafficking?

So today there was something on the TV in Amsterdam at channel AT5 about the Red Light District. The show 'De Stelling van Amsterdam', was started with a statement on the website of AT5, which posed the question: "Visitors of the Red Light District should be warned for illegal prostitution".
They also send out a Tweet with that statement, and in response to that both my boyfriend and I tweeted some things about the illogical reasoning behind such a statement. After all, why would you warn people in an area with legal prostitution, about illegal prostitution? In an attempt to keep visitors coming back to the Red Light District and not to places where prostitution is not legal? If you want to warn people about illegal prostitution you should warn people at places where this is happening, not in a place where all prostitution is happening legal, like the Red Light District.

Once the TV show started however quickly things became clear. All of the sudden the statement was: "Visitors of the Red Light District should be warned about forced prostitution." And that's a very different statement, because of course illegal prostitution and forced prostitution are two completely different things. But apparently Amsterdam's own TV channel isn't even aware of this, and to make things even worse, they used a tweet of mine and my boyfriend and host of the show Waldy van Geenen claimed that 'these people still don't know about forced prostitution', and that therefore it was perhaps a good idea to warn visitors in the Red Light District about this. What the fuck? Yeah, like we wouldn't be aware of that! I think I know a little bit more about my own job and my own workplace than AT5 does!

@AnneMeer @AT5 there's a reason why people go there, because its legal so they won't get arrested for it.
— Felicia Anna (@feliciaanna27) February 2, 2015

@AnneMeer @AT5 illegale prostitutie vindt volgens mij niet plaats op de Wallen, dus waarom zou je bezoekers daarvoor waarschuwen?
— Mark van der Beer (@mvdbeer) 2 februari 2015

The problem is of course that apparently AT5 doesn't even know the difference between illegal prostitution and legal prostitution, which kind of shows their ignorance about this subject. Yet, they want to have a debate about it, even though they don't even know basic things about prostitution, such as the difference between illegal prostitution and forced prostitution. So here's a lesson for dummies (read AT5) about the difference between illegal prostitution and forced prostitution.

Illegal prostitution
Illegal prostitution is prostitution happening without a permit, in places where it is required to have a permit. This is why it's called illegal prostitution, because prostitution that happens in places where it's not allowed is illegal. For example: prostitution in a hotel that does not have a permit for this. This is for example the case in a hotel in Utrecht, as a result of the fact that over 300 prostitutes lost their only legal workplace there.
Illegal prostitution is prostitution that is not allowed. It says nothing about the fact whether or not forced prostitution or exploitation is happening there. For example, there are many prostitutes that work in illegal prostitution without any problems. But, since it's illegal and therefore happening out of sight of the police, the chances that human trafficking is happening there, are a bit higher than in legal prostitution.
A good example of legal prostitution is the Red Light District. All prostitutes who work in the Red Light District work in legal prostitution. Even if they are forced or exploited, any victim of human trafficking in the Red Light District is still working in legal prostitution, even though they are a victim of something that is illegal.

Forced prostitution
Forced prostitution means someone is doing forced labor in the prostitution industry, nothing else nothing more. Obviously you can't call 'forced by economic circumstances' forced prostitution, for two very simple reasons:
1. Almost everyone is forced to work by economic circumstances, after all, we live in a capitalistic system. Without work you simply can't survive since everyone needs money to survive, and therefore by default everyone is forced to work by economic circumstances.
2. Forced prostitution is about being forced by another person, and since the economy is not a person, you can't call that forced prostitution. Forced by economic circumstances is also not punishable, since you can't punish the economy for forcing someone to work, this is simply called capitalism.

The mistake people, and also AT5 make, is to think that because forced prostitution is illegal, that this is called illegal prostitution. A laughable mistake for any TV channel to make, certainly one that wants to have a debate about prostitution itself!
Just because some crime might be happening in prostitution which is illegal, doesn't make the place where it happens illegal. The Red Light District in Amsterdam, every single window brothel and club has a permit, and is therefore legal prostitution. Therefore illegal prostitution doesn't happen here. But that doesn't mean of course that forced prostitution can't happen there.

I'm angry at the fact that AT5 used the Tweets of myself and my boyfriend to 'prove' that people would still be unaware of the fact the forced prostitution is happening. That's bullshit! Almost everyone knows this! You'd have to have lived in a cave for 50 years not to know about this. And by the way AT5, I am one of those ladies that complained to Mariska Majoor (who was in the show), about the fact that so many people come to ask us if 'I am really doing this job for myself or if I am perhaps forced by a pimp'.
In fact, like Mariska also explained, most people think we are all (or most of us) forced. The 'romantic image' people have about the Red Light District hasn't existed since the 90's anymore. People who claim these things, that there would still be people out there that have a 'romantic image about the Red Light District', are always people who are against prostitution. Everyone that works and knows even a little bit about prostitution, knows that such an image hasn't existed for years anymore. If ever there were people that believed that, that image was shattered when the case of Saban B. came out.
On an international level the image of the Red Light District has been shattered by so called 'rescue organisations' like for example Stop The Traffik and their stupid prostitution dance video, that misinform people on a grand scale about the size of human trafficking over here.

And now to answer the question about informing visitors about forced prostitution in the Red Light District. Is this really necessary? There is already a lot for the missery in prostitution. And do we warn people standing in a bank that sometimes banks get robbed? Do we warn people in the H&M and Primark that their clothes were made under forced labor and sometimes even by 12 year old kids? No!
Not every prostitute is forced. In fact, in the 5 years time working behind the windows myself, knowing most of the girls that work there in the night, I've never came across a single girl that was forced. That doesn't mean they don't exist, but it does prove that the chance of running into to one for a client is pretty small.
And yes, it's possible that clients might run into a girl that's forced. But than again, isn't it the police their job to look out for this, in stead of the clients? After all, the police walks all day long there, and clients only come once in a while at most. If a client comes across a girl that is forced than he should report it, absolutely. But I don't think scaring clients away with the idea that 'girls are forced behind the windows' is fair for all those girls I know that work there because they want to make money.
What's next? Going to demonstrate and flyer people about the fact that banks use people their money for fraud? Are we going to flyer at the C&A that some clothes are made by forced and child labor? Are we going inside the Jumbo to flyer that their bananas come from a country which sells bananas under the price that the government established, and therefore their bananas are illegal?

I went to demonstrate last weekend with Mariska Majoor and some other people of PROUD against the action of the ChristianUnie youth department to warn clients about 'forced prostitution'. They're only scaring clients away, with no results. After all, if clients stay away, there is nobody to report these things. And since the police is apparently not doing their job very good, who else is there to report these things? The girls themselves? Yeah, if only they could do it without the police throwing up barriers for victims to press charges.
Maybe I should go an demonstrate against Christians their constant attempts to undermine my work in a church, see how they like it. Or I'll flyer that 'The Vatican are a bunch of pedophiles', see how they like that? After all, I'm only informing them, right?
Maybe you should first ask the people that work there if you can do these kind of things in the area where they work. After all, did we ever asked people to demonstrate and flyer for us?

Update 2-2-2015 20:36: After I reported this to Waldy van Geenen they took out the video online to be uploaded without the tweets of me and my boyfriend at a later time. This post however remains the same, as it shows how uninformed people can create a false image about something without even knowing it, simply out of ignorance. Furthermore I think it's important to explain the difference between illegal prostitution and forced prostitution.

Dutch version

Change is Hard-Even If It's Furniture

True story- I have been an unimaginably crazy, hormonal monster lately. 

I don't know what my deal is, or how my dear kind family puts up with me. Yet, they do it- with the sweetest of love and care that it turns my nutty into tears- scaring everyone further.

It has been a busy whirlwind recently, with small and big changes thrown into the pot to add an extra bit of mayhem on my poor heart. 

We were in Tennessee for a week, and then came home to a complete overhaul of house and structure. First, I decided that this homeschooling route I had taken us on, was not actually functioning. The joy of learning had been lost in a cacophony of worksheets and lessons, action had to be taken! Consequently, I have spent every free minute reworking and rebuilding, hopefully, to have arrived at a program that will put the happiness back in our days.

Then I got the hair brained  idea that a school room would be amazing! A room that we could paint and playdoh, build and create with art supplies abounding. So Saturday we rose early and worked tirelessly all day, moving everyones bedrooms. On a high from all the excitement, I failed to think clearly, and by the end of the day and the move, I realized what had happened- I no longer had a nursery. My baby girl, my sweet tiny little angel, is now sleeping in the big kid room with her brothers and sister. It all happened so fast, just like that, and I didn't even get to prepare.

I woke up the next morning in my new room, listening to the excitement and rowdiness across the hall, and I  couldn't help it, the feelings just came- it didn't feel like home, it was all wrong. 

Here's a true testament to the incredible man that I married- he had worked so hard, taking everything apart, moving beds and furniture, hanging pictures. Each step taking the time, to ask if I liked it, If I was sure this is what I wanted, and then here I am, loco as ever, waiting til it's completely finished - and then crying. Ha, he didn't even get frustrated, just held me while I mourned and murmured that he'd move it all back.

See, hormonal monster.

Lessons to be learned: If your not a fan of change, maybe tred slowly and not when your PMS-ing, furthermore- marry well:)