UNFRIENDED ON FACEBOOK; UNFRIEND FACEBOOK

Social Media Affects Child Mental Health.

Is it time to UNFRIEND Facebook?

Facebook tracks your use of the internet - and thus knows much about your personal life.

All of the Creepy Things Facebook Knows About You

Facebook compiles a list of personal details about you.

The Washington Post points out that Facebook knows every time you visit certain pages on the internet.

Facebook works with companies like Epsilon and Acxiom who gather information from government records.

Facebook most likely knows your Location, Age, Income and net worth, Home value, if you are away from family or hometown, your parents, your political interests, your job, your boss, your wealth, your travels etc.

Washington Post



Reportedly, Facebook can cause depression.

"One potential cause for depression involves the extremely negative comments that some Facebook users may leave behind.

"This form of 'cyberbullying' is far too common and can lead to emotional distress given the kind of language used."

Exploring Facebook Depression | Psychology Today

The USA's National Security Agency has this Facebook photo in its files.

What it looks like when the NSA hacks into your Gmail and Facebook.

You can be impersonated, and fake material can appear on your Facebook page.

I Was Impersonated On Facebook - Forbes.

You might be unfriended.

...

At least 63% of people report having unfriended someone on Facebook.

Why We Unfriend - The Atlantic.

A relation of mine was recently unfriended by someone on Facebook.

I tried to comfort them by pointing out that I have recently been unfriended by at least half a dozen people.

At Slate, we read about The psychology of unfriending someone on Facebook.

Christopher Sibona, of the University of Colorado Denver, speculates that we are often unfriended, on Facebook, by people who disagree with us about religion or politics. 

I know that four members of my extended family have unfriended me because they do not want to be associated with a 'conspiracy theorist' who believes that 9 11 was an inside job.

Who wants their buddies to know that they have a 'conspiracy theorist' in the family?

Christopher Sibona writes: "the cost of maintaining Facebook friendships is pretty low.

"If you make a conscious effort to push a button to get rid of someone, that can hurt." 

Why We Unfriend - The Atlantic.

My impression is that Facebook is mainly for young women who like to communicate with a small group of very close buddies.

If you are not one of those close buddies, then you 'friendship' on Facebook is an irritation and might be an embarrassment. 

So far as I can see, men are posting less on Facebook.

A 2016 report published by The Information on revealed that Facebook has been struggling to reverse a 21% decline in 'original sharing,' or personal updates, from its 1.6 billion monthly active users.

Facebook is OK for photos of the kids and the holidays.

But, not everyone wants their non-buddies to view these and leave comments.

Not everyone wants their hen night or stag do to be seen by all their Facebook 'friends'.

And not everyone wants news, politics and religion.

Facebook Users Are Sharing Less - Fortune.

Below is what we wrote in an earlier post:

True Friends don't worry about the pecking order.

Facebook can become like the big family get-together at Christmas.

"Christmas time," explains psychologist Oliver James, "triggers historic enmities like nothing else.

All of us, at some time or other, worry about status.

Ideally, we should never worry about status.

If we find that we only get one Christmas card, and that we only have one Facebook friend, we should not worry.

If we we are abandoned by our mother and fail to get any qualifications at school, we should not worry.

If we lose our job, our pension, and our wife, we should not worry.

All that matters is that we have a noble soul.

And if we have a noble soul, we have high status.

And if we have a noble soul we don't have to worry about the 'pecking order' or 'being one up'.

And if we have a noble soul we may even start getting Christmas cards from the people who matter most.



Worldly Status has been linked to 'pecking order'.

But remember that Jesus said: He who is last shall be first, and he who is first shall be last.



An acquaintance with an inferiority complex may try to lower your status, in order to make themselves feel better.

Even members of your own family may try to lower your status.

To lower another person's status:

Talk sarcastically to them.

Make them wait for you.

Tease them.

Laugh at them.

Criticize something they did.

Insult them.

Give them unsolicited advice.

Ignore what they said and talk about something else.

Disregard their opinion.

Status



Reportedly, from the World's point of view, high-status behaviors include: 

When walking, assuming that other people will get out of your path.

Interrupting before you know what you are going to say.

Creating the feeling that you are a parent talking to a child.

Speaking authoritatively, with certainty.

Making decisions for a group; taking responsibility.

Evaluating other people's work.

Status

aje.oxfordjournals.org.

Reportedly, low-status behaviors include: 

When walking, moving out of other people's path.

Looking away from the other person's eyes.

Beating around the bush when talking about something that will displease the other person.

Shouting as an attempt to intimidate the other person.

Status

If you want to raise another person's status

Ask their opinion about something.

Ask them for advice or help.

Downplay your own achievement in comparison to theirs.

Mention a failure or shortcoming of your own.

Status

...

Eric Berne, who wrote about the games people play.

Do your associates and members of your family play 'power games'?

Prisoners find ways to manipulate their prison guards, in order to get 'one-up'.

School children find ways to irritate their teachers, in order to compensate for a perceived lack of power.

Spouses find ways to manipulate the emotions of their partners.

Power games involve the struggle for psychological one-upmanship, often employing passive–aggressive behaviour.

Here are some examples:

1. A husband, wife and their children debate where to go on holiday.

The husband and children opt for the Island City House Hotel in Key West in Florida.

The wife opts for the Westgate Las Vegas Resort & Casino in Las Vegas.

The family ends up at the Key West Hotel.

The wife feels the need to publicly find fault with everything at the hotel, although secretly she thinks the hotel is superb.

The following year, the wife begs to be taken back to the Key West Hotel.

2. Your boss is driving you to a conference in Zurich.

He is finding it difficult to locate the 'Sonnenberg Convention Center'.

You point out to him that the building being sought is the red roofed building on the right.

Your boss ignores you and drives around the city for a further twenty minutes, before returning to the street with the red roofed building.

Your boss claims to have found the red roofed 'Sonnenberg Convention Center' due to his own excellent skills.

3. A woman called Ophelia pays her regular visit to her elderly mother.

Ophelia happens to be carrying a travel brochure which she has picked up for her entertainment.

The elederly mother says to Ophelia: "You have not had a holiday for many years. Why don't you take a holiday?"

Before Ophelia can reply, the elderly mother coughs loudly and says: "I am feeling quite faint."

A week later, Ophelia says to her elderly mother: "Would you like me to take you for a little walk?"

The elederly mother replies: "You poor soul, have you no friends to accompany you on a walk."

Mone of us are not quite what we seem.

Dr Max Lüscher, born 1923 in Switzerland, is the Swiss psychotherapist who developed the Luscher Color Test to test moods, feelings and attitudes:

Colorquiz or The Luscher Color Test

Luscher, in his book The 4-Color Person, describes what we may be like, if we are not happy and balanced.

He describes the following types of people:

1. The Good Natured Angel

Good Natured Angels  do 'good deeds'.

They expect their victims to enslave themselves in eternal gratitude and devotion.

Good Natured Angels often have another side to them.

Good Natured Angels can be Discontented Devils.

Discontented Devils have secret self doubts.

They put aside their own need for intimacy.

Discontented Devils can be agitated, irritable, over-critical, self-pitying, easily exausted loners.

Dissatisfied Devils do not know how to achieve relaxed closeness.

This can be because of a disturbance in their relationships with their mothers.

Dissatisfied Devils don't have the solid foundations of trust and devotion which can ultimately outlast all sensitivities and conflicts.

They seem incapable of being content with their existing partner.

The Good Natured Angels who are Discontented Devils need to learn to avoid exaggerated self-sacrifice if they want to find contentment.

The dissatisfied devil needs to learn about relaxed closeness, moderation, and contentment

Photo by Leebobs

2. The Conceited Peacock

The conceited peacock tends to be bossy, stubborn and overrating.

Beneath the arrogance lies stupidity.

Conceited peacocks may suffer from impotence or frigidity.

Sex functions as a means of dominating their mates.

They think they are very conscientious, but often they don't do anything.

The other side to the Conceited Peacock is the mocking Agile Snake.

Agile Snakes have secret self doubts.

They have an inferiority complex.

The Agile Snake may take a lover, in order to be more independent of their wife/husband. 

Or because they find their existing partner is not absolutely perfect.

Secretly they yearn for tender and affectionate togetherness.

But they don't want to be dependent on anyone.

The Agile Snakes inferiority complex will disappear as they become more noble and fair.

3. The Pompous Showoff

The pompous showoff likes the idea of large houses, large cars, and large armies.

They like to impress others.

They will choose their partners for social reasons, to impress society. 

They judge a relationship by its market value.

When things go wrong, the pompous showoff becomes a Tormented Martyr.

Tormented martyrs swim in self-pity.

They turn every joy into a duty.

They enjoy being tragic heroes.

Instead of using their abilities, and increasing their self-confidence, they founder in passivity.

When the pompous showoff has some REAL achievements, unrelated to impressing the herd, then they will gain genuine self confidence and not need to be pompous and boasting.

To gain self-confidence, the martyr must stop being passive and instead be ready for peaceful achievement and peaceful challenge.

4. The Expectant Visionary

Expectant visionaries defend themselves against reality by reinterpreting reality.

They are romantics and approach a new mate full of enthusiasm.

However the mate becomes less attractive sexually once he/she becomes a familiar reality for them.

Just when genuine love ought to develop, visionaries lose interest in their mate and look for something new.

Visionaries enjoy travel, in the hope of finding new illusions.

They live for the future, or the past, but cannot live in the present.

They are wishful thinkers.



When Expectant Visionaries become disillusioned, they become Armoured Knights.

The armoured knight supports the military.

The armoured knight seeks safety and security once they have taken a lot of disappointments.

They are filled with distrust. They may be paranoid.

They require order.

They may take up a creed which supports crusades, inquisitions and wars.

They may distrust their mates and be filled with jealousy.

The armoured knight needs to become less pedantic and less compulsive.

The visionaries will lose their restlessness by being more realistic and developing themselves in a happy, free and light-hearted manner.



5. The Balanced Type is:

A. Noble, charitable, flexible, self respecting and fair.

B. Moderate, peace-loving and content.

C. Self confident as a result of his/her achievements.

D. Happy, light-hearted and independent as a result of self development and not clinging to worldly goods.

Oliver James

According to someone who worked in a psychiatric hospital:

"Patients had 'events' mostly on days when visited by... 'loving, supportive families'.

"One girl in her twenties, who was before that time a school teacher, climbed the wall when she was told her mother was coming to visit her that day.

"Climbing the wall is an understatement, she became inhuman - not a pretty sight."

Comment by a member of the public on The Genes Don't Fit, by Oliver James, 16/10/2010, New Statesman (Read more)

1. Psychologist Oliver James has analysed the behaviour of George W Bush

"Barbara Bush is described by her closest intimates as prone to 'withering stares' and 'sharply crystalline' retorts. 

"She is also extremely tough. 

"When he was seven, Bush's younger sister, Robin, died of leukaemia and several independent witnesses say he was very upset by this loss. 

"Barbara claims its effect was exaggerated but nobody could accuse her of overreacting: the day after the funeral, she and her husband were on the golf course."

Read more

2. According to UK psychologist Oliver James:

"The closer a nation approximates to the American model ... the greater the rate of mental illness amongst its citizens".

According to Oliver James, Americanism means, for example:

1. Women rejecting the role of the mother.

2. Television corrupting people.

3. Children spending too much time at school.

(OLIVER JAMES INTERVIEWED (2004): If You're Happy and You Know It) 

3. Oliver James has written 'How Not to F*** Them Up'. 

"Basically I was fucked up by my mother," says Oliver James.

"She had four children under the age of five and found it difficult to cope.

"Often, I was left crying in my pram at the bottom of the garden."

(Oliver James: It's all about you - Profiles, People - The Independent)



4. "Christmas time," explains Oliver James, "is a fixed ritual setting which triggers historic enmities like nothing else.

"The culmination of all these; in the form of present-giving, the pecking order at the table, who does the washing-up, means the shit really hits the fan at this time of year.

"People revert back to being a child without realising it."

To avoid the usual tensions ... Oliver James suggests that we identify what role we occupy in our family, then do the exact opposite.

(Jingle hell: Stories from those who avoid christmas.)

5. Oliver James is in favour of 'love bombing' for children.

He argues that feeling loved is a better remedy than dishing out rules and punishment.

"In fact, feeling loved is far more important for childhood discipline than rule-making and punishment.

"At the heart of the matter is that a sense of being satisfied only comes from having demands met - needy, aggressive behaviour comes from feeling dissatisfied."

(Love bombing kids to get happy results thetelegraph.com.au)

Gift Ideas Crafted By Creative Expats (2): Gadanke Journals

Beautiful journals, refill
packs and embellishments
from Gadanke

Hot on the heels of my post about soft toy Christmas gift ideas created by Luana, the expat behind La Petite Lulu, comes another fabulous gift idea, again with a discount especially for you.

This week it's Gadanke's turn in the spotlight. Christmas gifts from Gadanke are very special indeed. It's an award winning handmade journal shop using eco-friendly materials. That's it in a nutshell, but there's oh so much more.

The Story Behind Gadanke

The story of how Gadanke came about is wonderful, the idea behind the journals is heart tingling and the journals themselves are awesome.

Katie - the creativity behind Gadanke
(c) Gadanke

Here's the expat bit: Katie Clemons is the face behind Gadanke, which comes from the German word for idea or thought. Whilst living in Berlin with her German husband she crafted her first journal.

And here's another awesome bit: Katie now lives in a converted airplane hangar in the Rocky Mountains in the US, having just moved out of a tire house. You can follow the couple's creation of and move into their dream home via Katie's Making This Home blog.

But what I like best of all is that Katie's journals are more than pieces of paper strung together so that she can make a living. To Katie, it's much, much more and that is so evident in the pieces she handcrafts. She doesn't just make and sell journals, she prompts journal owners to celebrate their story, to get memories down on paper, to record the past for the future. In her own words,

"I believe story is power. It enriches our lives, challenges us to dream bigger, and strengthens future generations."

The Inspiration of Gadanke

She has a Facebook page where she regularly poses questions that often make me stop what I am doing to cast my mind back. Here's an example:

"You and I are 10 years old. It snowed 12", and now we've got the whole day to play. What should we do?"

Where do you go when you think about the answer to that question? I was instantly taken back to my childhood days with my younger brother wrapped up in winter coats, wooly hats, scarves and gloves, playing in the garden trying to make a snowman. We'd beg and forage for all the bits we could use for the snowman's eyes, nose, arms...... I hadn't been to that place for a long time! It was so great to pause and rewind to the past.

Gadanke Journals

Gadanke journals are made predominantly from recycled papers and contain not only writing prompts but embellishments such as tags, little envelopes or library cards, stickers or carnival tickets. The themed journals make the perfect gift for expats.

One of many of the Gadanke
journals which make the perfect
gift for the expat in your life
(c) Gadanke

Take the "Love where we Live" journal. Many expats move from place to place and this journal helps expats capture the essence of the place they call home. Not just bricks and mortar but what makes the town you live in tick? How does it smell? What happens there? What does the room you play in look like? Capture it. Record it. Celebrate it. When your expat adventures are over you'll have a collection of stories and memories to treasure and share with your children and their children. Take a look inside Katie's journal that she used when she lived in Berlin.

And one more idea, I've been talking a lot recently about expats passing on traditions and the culture of their birth country to their children and there's a journal to help with that too: Joy to the World. It's a journal to capture the essence of Christmas and how you celebrate it. It's a way of recording what Christmas means to you and your family no matter where you are living right now.

Christmas Journals to capture the essence of your family Christmas
no matter where you are living. What makes it different each year because
you're an expat?
(c) Gadanke

What Expat Stories Have you got to Share?

Stories of expat living cry out to be captured. Listen to what Katie has to say on this topic,

"As expats, we're venturing into this all-new territory. Even the simplest things like grabbing a few towels at the store becomes a challenge because first you have to figure out which store sells towels! You can have the funniest experiences as well as the most frustrating. I still remember my classmates in language class pronouncing my name "Kevin"! But how much of these stories would you and I remember if we didn't pause to document them? I think that it's so important for an expat to journal. Trust me. It helps you work through your experiences. It helps you celebrate them! So many former expats have told me, "I wish I'd written that down. I wish I could remember how I felt and what it was like." 

Your story matters. This adventure you're navigating through matters."

I haven't talked about the baby and wedding journals, kids' journals and the journal to help you find direction, to capture your travel adventures, to record recipes.... phew, you know what there are so many more why don't you head over to Gadanke and check it out for yourself. 

The Expat Guide to the Dutch Crazy Season

As the crazy season gets going here are some older blog posts to help expats come through the other side sane and relatively calm.

First things first, an expat in the Netherlands always needs to get used to the Sinterklaas thing. Suck it up because it will happen regardless of whether you approve of Sint's helpers, the sugar feasts, and the fact that children are literally bouncing off walls at this time of the year. Sinterklaas will arrive this Saturday on his boat full of Zwarte Pieten and presents and you can't stop it (times and dates in your town here). And let's face it, why would you want to? It's fun. Honestly. If you have children it is.

Best thing to do is read up on it, accept it and then join in. As soon as the good Sint heads back to Spain, the Dutch dump their Zwarte Piet costumes and start to prepare for Christmas.

Here are some posts from the archive to catch up on about Sinterklaas and Christmas:

5 December - It's a Dutch Thing - the post in which I explain the essential tools for a successful Pakjesavond

From the Dutch Sinterklaas to Christmas - the post in which I explain the relief at transitioning from my lesser known holiday (Sinterklaas) to my centre of expertise (Christmas)

Passing on Festive Traditions - the post in which I explain to my dual nationality child the difference between Sinterklaas and Father Christmas

Eight Tips Series: Shopping in the Netherlands - the post in which I give life saving advice for the gift buying frenzy that you will have to do in the next few weeks.

Christmas Tree Top - Dutch Style - the post in which I explain that the Dutch don't do fairies or angels when it comes to Christmas tree toppings and you may need a safety helmet throughout the festive period if you top your tree Dutch style. You have been warned.

Rent or Adopt a Christmas Tree - the post in which I explain that you have options when it comes to putting that Christmas tree up.

Making Christmas Just Like Christmas - the post in which I explain Christmas can be recreated using your local expat shop.

Home for the Holidays - in which I sympathise that Christmas can be an emotional time for an expat

Gezellig Dining - where I share my first Dutch Christmas dining experience

So that's it - an archive of Sinterklaas celebrations and Christmases gone by. Enjoy!

Gift Ideas Crafted by Creative Expats (1): Softies from La Petite Lulu

As promised here is the first post on ideas for Christmas gifts (or 5 December) courtesy of creative expats.

Meet Beckett the Bassett Hound -
soon to be welcomed into the van
Mulligen household
(c) La Petite Lulu

First up - La Petite Lulu's wonderful handmade soft toys for babies and children. Unbeknown to my children they will each be the proud and happy owner of a unique cuddly animal on the 5th December. That's if I can wait that long to give the softies to them and not put them in their shoes before Pakjesavond. I can vouch first hand that these soft toys are amazing. They are incredibly cute, and unique.

(c) La Petite Lulu

Luana, the clever crafter of these little cuties, is an Australian currently living in California in the US. Up until March this year she called the Netherlands home, which is how I came to follow her expat adventures through pregnancy, birth and now motherhood via her La Petite Lulu blog.

Monty the Monkey - a unique
custom gift for my son
(c) La Petite Luana

All her softies are hand sewn or knitted, made from recycled fabrics and all very affordable. From dinosaurs to cars, and fairies to flowers, La Petitie Lulu has a great range for everyone. However, if your child's favourite animal or item isn't on display.... she's happy to take custom orders. That's how Monty the Monkey was born - I asked Luana if she could make a monkey and two days later she sent me a photo of her creation. You can't get a more unique gift than that!

To buy one of these little treasures head on over to her Etsy shop.

But wait, one more thing before you disappear... for readers of this blog there is an exclusive discount of 15% off La Petite Lulu's softies. Just enter the code DOUBLEBUGGY at the Etsy checkout. 

This one's made a new home
with our family but Pavel the Penguin is ready
to be adopted if you're quick
(c) La Petite Lulu

Meet Fitzroy the Frog
(c) La Petite Lulu

Little Gray Car
(c) La Petite Lulu

 There are many more amazing designs over in Luana's Etsy store!

**I would just like to mention that I am not receiving any commission for promoting any items in this blog series - I am just sharing the love for creative expats because their products are awesome!! :-)**

Gift Ideas Crafted by Creative Expats - Coming Soon!

It's the season for giving creative expat gifts
Photo: Wong Mei Teng

Leaving your home and moving abroad often requires you to think a little outside the box. If you don't want your working life to take a nose dive into oblivion that is. Expats tend, therefore, to be creative creatures. According to the Economist in an article entitled "Living abroad gives you a creative edge" (it's all in the title right?),

"Anecdotal evidence has long held that creativity in artists and writers can be associated with living in foreign parts. Rudyard Kipling, Pablo Picasso, Ernest Hemingway, Paul Gauguin, Samuel Beckett and others spent years dwelling abroad."

Creative expats are therefore in extremely good company. And there are lots around. At a drop of a hat I can name expat writers, photographers, crafters, bakers, artists - the list goes on.

So.... as the season of present giving is fast approaching (don't forget pakjesavond on 5 December for those in the Netherlands) I thought it might be a good time to share some of these creative expat geniuses with you all. And whats more watch this space for exclusive discounts for some of the amazing gift ideas coming up over the next couple of weeks.

From the Dutch Sinterklaas to Christmas

Yet again, I find myself apologising for my blog absence. Time is once more not on my side..... Between school runs, a baby with reflux and a toddler in the house I barely have time to blow my own nose, let alone write a blog post.

However, a quick update and hopefully the start of more frequent posts again....

The last few weeks have been centred around Sinterklaas, the Dutch celebration of the birthday of Saint Nicholas. As a Brit, this celebration has taken some years to get used to but I think having children has finally integrated me. I no longer find it acceptable to use left over  Sinterklaas wrapping paper for Christmas, nor bother to ask about the whole black slave issue.... It is what it is.

My house has been full of drawings of Zwarte Pieten going down chimneys, boats made of egg boxes, pepernoten and paper shoes for weeks. My 19 month old has embraced the festivities in a way we could not have imagined. He has wandered around with permanent head attire alternating between a Zwarte Piet hat and the mitre of Sinterklaas. He points enthusiastically to the CD player with calls of "dah, dah, dah", meaning "Put the Sinterklaas CD on again please mama." (It has been played so much my husband and I have talked about a ritual burning.) My son then hums his way around the room whilst playing, stopping only to run to the shoe cupboard to get his shoe out every time the word "shoe" is mentioned in a Sinterklaas song. And believe me, that's a lot. For those not in the know, children leave their shoes out with a treat for Sinterklaas and his horse (traditionally by the chimney but let's face it most houses don't have chimneys now so our kids leave their shoes in front of the booze cupboard....) and Sinterklaas makes sure there is a present put there in return. My 19 month old has cottoned on to this very quickly indeed.

Yesterday we celebrated "pakjesavond" and to avoid that it became one big unwrapping frenzy we decided to use a die, especially created for the occasion by my husband - instead of dots there were small mitres. Throwing a six meant you could open a present. A few rounds of this with a 4 year old made us change the rules: throw a 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6 and you open a present. Throw a 1 and you throw again........... It cut down a whole lot on the tantrums for sure.

So now, Sinterklaas is over. The school classrooms have been emptied of boats, white horses and Black Petes. Our house has been cleared of the drawings, shoes and boats (but not quite of pepernoten which I think we'll still be eating for my birthday in March...) and Sinterklaas and his helpers are heading back to Spain. The path is cleared for the following festivity - Christmas.

The Christmas tree has been bought. Once my son is home from school the decorating will begin and I am happy to say that the British member of this household is back in her element with a celebration she knows all about.......

Merry Christmas

Photo: Kurhan

A very quick post before Santa arrives to wish you all a fun filled festive few days.

Merry Christmas!!!

And for anyone out there who hasn't quite finished their Christmas shopping... give a gift with a conscience!!

Christmas Tree Top - Dutch Style

Photo: Ugur Vidinligil

In the run up to Christmas in my first year in the Netherlands, my husband and I set out to buy decorations for the Christmas tree we would buy. I We decided on a colour and collected the necessary shiny Christmas balls, snowmen, reindeer and tinselly decorations together.

I then went on the search for a fairy for the top of the tree. Not a single winged-like woman to be seen. Instead some rather odd looking pointy thing that may well have doubled up as a lethal weapon.

"What's that?" I asked my evidently bored husband.
"It's a top," he replied.
"What?"
"A top," he clarified.
"Ok. Top of what?"I asked.
"Top for the Christmas tree," he said as if talking to a toddler.
"Right. That isn't like the 'top' of any Christmas tree I've ever seen. Where are the fairies?" I asked.
Blank look back. So off I went to resume my search of winged decorations. After a fruitless few minutes I returned to my husband.
"I can't find any fairies." I announced.
"Nope," he said.
So I picked up a silver 'top' for my future Christmas tree and mumbled all the way to the checkout about the insanity of a stupid, long pointy thing sitting on my Christmas tree, serving no decorative value whatsoever. But a Christmas tree with nothing on top is like a ballerina sans tutu. It just doesn't cut it.

So since that fateful day in 2000, this silver top (called a kerstpiek I believe) has intermittently sat on top of our Christmas tree. I say intermittently because the stupidness of the long pointy design has been proven time and time again: the top of a Christmas tree is often long and thin and it CANNOT HOLD THE WEIGHT OF THE BLOODY 'TOP'! So we either have a precariously hanging piek (and I am sure the inevitable will happen one year and someone will lose an eye) or a piek that lasts five minutes before I yank it off and put it back in the attic because it looks ridiculous.

But not this year! Finally, I have remembered the loathsome kerstpiek in good time, reminded by the Christmas decorations in Intratuin last week - so I sent an SOS text to my dad. And he has bought me a Christmas fairy. Finally, my tenth Christmas tree here in Holland will have the topping any good Christmas tree deserves.

Rent or Adopt a Christmas Tree

Now that Sinterklaas is on his way back to Spain, those of you with Dutch partners will be allowed to set up your Christmas tree (at least that is how it works in our household - something about it being sacrilegious to put up a tree when the dear St Nicholaas and his Pieten have not yet visited).

Every year we traipse in search of a prize specimen to grace our front room, hoping that the tree we pick will actually last until we have seen the new year in and doesn't lose so many needles that we are still finding them under the sofa at Easter. For this reason we have actually considered an artificial tree until we see the price of the things, and wonder where we will store it in our 'loftless' house. So each year we end up getting a real tree - though still not exactly cheap. I also can't help considering the environmental impact of this tree that sits in our house for a month. One of millions chopped every year......

According to www.milieucentraal.nl, there is little between an artificial tree and a real tree when it comes to is environmental friendliness - they just have different impacts. Of course an artificial tree can never give off the seasonal, festive smell of the pine needles of a real one; an artificial tree does of course mean you are not extracting pine needles out of your feet for six months of the year....

One suggestion on www.milieucentraal.nl is to rent a Christmas tree - this gives the tree a longer life as it can be used three to five times before its life is over. The idea is that you pay a 'statiegeld' (yep, like you do with some bottles) and after Christmas you deliver (or it gets picked up) the tree back for it to be replanted. This is popular with companies.

You can also adopt a tree, returning it every year to the kwekerij where it is replanted and looked after so you can pick it up again the following year. Visit http://www.adopteereenkerstboom.nl/ for more information.

Expat Christmas Gift Ideas (4): English Language Books

Still on the theme of Christmas presents; today all about books. Living in a country where books are not in English by default, books in English are always appreciated. My Amazon wish list plays an important role at Christmas and birthday time.

So, if you are buying a present for an expat friend or family member then consider a book. For expats buying for loved ones overseas, books work too, especially if you combine it with the idea of sharing what it is like in your host country. Here's what I mean:

• Learn more about life in the Netherlands through books such as The Undutchables, My 'Dam Life, Bicycle Mania Holland
• Learn about life in the UK with books such as Notes from a Small Island, Rules, Britiannia
• You couldn't share life as an expat in Germany any better than giving Planet Germany as a gift
• Entertain and share what expat life is like in general through musings in books like Diplomatic Incidents: The Memoirs of an (Un)diplomatic Wife, A Moving Landscape, I'm A Stranger Here Myself

You get the picture...

And great news on the subject of buying English language books - Amazon is now offering free delivery from the UK website to many European countries, including the Netherlands. Check the site for conditions.

Expat Christmas Gift Ideas (3): Expat Shops

Continuing the series about tips for Christmas gifts for expats...... Expat shops are a great port of call for present shopping for your expat and local friends and family alike.

How about making up a basket of British products for your in-laws? Or putting together a hamper of flavours from the US for your American expat friend? Christmas can be a great opportunity to introduce your local friends to the tastes of your home country - like a beer selection from home or a pudding for the Christmas meal or something special for breakfast on Boxing Day. Or just to make sure they experience the delights of crumpets at least once in their life.

Lots of expats have food parcels sent to them all year long so making up an extra special package at Christmas time will certainly go down well and your local expat shop will be able to help you.

If you are British, and want to introduce your local family and friends to something new.... try mince pies. Not only do they get to experience a new taste - but you get to have a whole conversation about minced beef as a dessert...... which of course is not what mince pies are (although to be fair in some countries ask for a mince pie and you will get a ground beef pie). The British traditionally eat mince pies in the festive period around Christmas and the New Year - and in the lead up to Christmas the shops are full of them. British expat shops are no exception.

Mince pies are sweet pastries full of mincemeat. Nothing related to a cow but instead dried fruits such as raisins and sultanas and apples with spices. They are delicious. Particularly with brandy butter or single cream. And more importantly, they are a favourite of Father Christmas, who appreciates children leaving him a mince pie along with a glass of sherry on Christmas eve.

If you have never had a mince pie, like the idea of sharing a British tradition with your friends and family here in the Netherlands, or just want to stock up on your usual treat at Christmas, then hold on to your hats....... For those of you living within a commute of The Hague there is a very special offer for readers of this blog at Kelly's Expat Shop.... A FREE BOX OF KIPLING MINCE PIES when you spend 15 euro on shopping at Kelly's. Just quote A Letter from the Netherlands blog at the till. That simple!

Kelly is actually Dutch (read a previous article of mine if you want more on the interesting tale about a Dutchie running an expat shop) but provides the expat community of The Hague and surrounding areas with goodies from Britain, America, South Africa, Australia and more. Open seven days a week, Kelly's is located at Piet Heinstraat 105 but also offers online shopping for delivery in the surrounding area. Incidentally you can also get your Christmas turkey from Kelly's. What are you waiting for?

Expat Christmas Gift Ideas

With Sinterklaas and Christmas fast approaching I thought a few posts were in order about finding the perfect Christmas present for expats to send back home for friends and family, as well as gift ideas for the expats in your lives. Or maybe even gifts that let your local friends taste a little of your life back home.

When you live abroad, it is not always easy to find the right gift for family and friends - and then of course you need to ship it or carry it when you travel back. Often you end up spending more on postage and packing than the cost of the gift itself.

Shopping online can therefore be a great solution for Christmas shopping for expats - especially if you can get it delivered directly to your friends or family from within the same country. Over the next few days I will share some great, unique gift ideas I have found over the last few years.

For the expat in your life there are also ideas to help bring a little piece of home to their host country... and if you are an expat yourself you could use the festive period to introduce your local in-laws or friends to a little of your life back home.

Tomorrow kicks off with Name Art - gift ideas for friends and family back home, particularly those in the UK. During the week there is also a very special offer for readers of A Letter from the Netherlands!!