When Round Pegs Don't Fit in Square Holes: Expat Career Changes

There are many people who have inspired me along my expat journey. As my family life enters a new phase the last few weeks have been a perfect time to reflect. Part of that reflection resulted in an article that I submitted as an entry for Expats Blog's latest writing contest on the topic of working abroad.

Building a career overseas can mean becoming an astute
hurdler
Photo Credit: Lars van Mulligen

I moved to the Netherlands for love so I didn't have a job lined up when I packed up my gear and headed across the North Sea one grey, cloudy September day. I tried to get myself back into the world of work as quickly as I could. I needed to because we needed an extra income. We needed a place of our own to live in. Within a few weeks of landing on Dutch soil I was signed up with recruitment agencies, applying for vacancies as they came up and making telephone calls that I thought could help me. I took it one day at a time and jumped each hurdle as it arose.

Within a month or two I had a job in my field (Human Resources) though it was temporary cover for maternity leave and a step down from what I had been doing. But I had a hold on the career ladder once more. I was made permanent. The first two years or so were enjoyable. It was new. It was challenging finding my way around a new company. It kept the mortgage payments in check. When the project I was working on finished, I was palmed out to another department. And it was then that I realised, again, that I was a round peg and yet another employer was trying to squeeze me into a square hole.

I knew things had to change. I began writing. Just for my own pleasure. My own eyes. And then I started feeding that creativity into my day job. The more I delved into writing, and in particular expat writing, the more I bumped in to the name "Jo Parfitt". A Definite Articles course later and I was fully committed to getting out of an office cubicle. I was determined to leave behind endless demotivating company reorganisations and be free of meetings about quarterly profits. I wanted to take a career turn. Others had done it, so so could I. (In fact Expat Women published one of my first articles which was on the topic of making a career change abroad).

Jo Parfitt was an incredible inspiration and motivation in the early days of my writing career (and incidentally still is). She convinced me that I could write, and furthermore, could make a career out of it. Plus she was a 'real life example' that it really was all possible. She was certainly shouting encouragement from the sidelines from day one. And with that kind of support the step out of the rat race was made a whole lot easier.

I then stumbled into a Life Coaching group run by Karen Armstrong which was also a huge source of inspiration. I honestly don't remember anymore how I came to be a part of the group, or where I met Karen (aside from it being virtually) but it too played a huge role in my writing career. The group essentially came together to look at our individual reason for being, our mission in life, and our life goals in order to satisfy our reason for being. From haphazardly trying to manage a new career idea alongside being new to motherhood I emerged from the course with a clear vision and specific goals about what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go, not just with writing but in different areas of life. I still annually review this vision and these goals and create a new vision board to match my dreams. The group of women I took that path with were in themselves inspirational and the energy was contagious. Two of those women are the driving force behind Global Niche; Tara Agacayak and Anastasia Ashman. If you're looking to work beyond borders, to change a career, to transition, then those are the women to turn to for motivation.

So, back to my latest article. Expat life can be complicated. It presents challenges. Careers can be made or broken overseas. But expat life can also offer the opportunity to start over, to take time and reflect, to try and work out where your passion lies. And if you have the right support cheering you on from the sidelines? Well. then anything is possible.

Head on over to the Expats Blog writing contest page to read my article "Letting Go of the Career Ladder". If you enjoy what you read, please like using the Facebook button on the Expats Blog page, or leave a comment there to let me know you stopped by and share your thoughts on the topic.

Expat Life: I'm Changed from the Inside Out

"Nothing is comparable to the new life…in a new country. Though I am still always myself, I am changed to the marrow of my bones" ~ Goethe

I don't think there is a quote that can more accurately sum up the effect expat life has had on me. Of course I am still me, but the person that left England in 2000 seems like a stranger now. I have the feeling that I wouldn't recognise that girl from pre-expat life if I bumped into her in the street. 

Of course I am still me, but my life has changed in more ways than I can count. Consequently who I am has changed too. In more ways than I can count. 

I speak a foreign language every day. I have been through culture shock and come out the other side unscathed but changed. Expat life offered me a new career on a silver platter. There are many things I see today as 'normal' that were completely alien to me a decade ago. I sometimes find it hard to remember I had a pre-expat life. It seems so long ago, so hazy. 

My new environment has changed me, changed how I see things, changed how I think and feel about things. It has changed my daily life. It has changed me from the inside out. To the marrow of my bones.

How has expat life changed you? Have you been changed to the "marrow of your bones" by moving abroad?

Must One Renounce One's British Citizenship?

Prompted by a blog post on the happy Homemaker UK blog I took the British citizenship test. This is the test you have to take if you wish to apply for British citizenship, something you are eligible to do after five years of living in Britain.

The questions are a mix of cultural, political. practical and downright bizarre topics....and needless to say, as a Brit, I whizzed through the test and am happy to report I passed with flying colours.

Except I really didn't. I failed. Flunked it. See for yourself:

With 50% Correct I Guess I Now Have to Renounce my Britishness
Photo (c) The Writing Well

 I would not be able to be a British citizen if I wasn't already. Apparently I needed to actually study or something in order to know what other non-Brits know before gaining British citizenship.

Here's an example of a mystifying question which made me mutter to myself (something along the lines of "How the hell is that relevant?" if you are wondering).


In which year did married women get the right to divorce their husband?

• 1837
• 1857
• 1875
• 1882

I get that British women having the right to divorce their husband is important to know if you intend to take on British citizenship, don't get me wrong. But I fail to see that adding the year it was introduced to your knowledge base has any relevance or benefit whatsoever.

And the answer is? Well actually, I don't know, and more to the point I don't care - and that really doesn't make me less British. Not living in Britain for the last twelve years..... that just might.......

The Expat Unfriendly Netherlands - Take Two

Not all Dutch things are easy to adapt to
(c) Amanda van Mulligen

Around a year ago I published a blog post which threw up the question whether the Netherlands was a friendly place to live for expats. The resounding response was no. And it was the most commented on post I have written - with comments still coming in.

It seems that most of you indicated that making friends with Dutch people is nigh on impossible. That Dutch people are very closed off (to expats) and that the local language is a serious barrier to friendships with the locals. Some of you were extremely negative, others were relatively positive. The positive comments indicated that the more effort you put in to making local friends, the more rewards there are to be had. The negative commentary indicated that all effort had been to no avail.

The ferociousness of some of the comments surprised me. The warmth of some of the comments about the Dutch and the Netherlands was encouraging (check out Tiffany's comment for example). I have been meaning to write a follow up post for many months now so here goes.... let the comment barrage begin once more.....

Dutch people are not openly embracing new people and swallowing them up into their social circle. They don't always come across as particularly warm at a first glance. But to dismiss them as rude and unfriendly is scathing and unfair in my eyes. I find most, if not all of the people that I come into contact with on a social level to be friendly, interested and communicative. I am not including employees in shops, bars or restaurants as they are a breed apart........

I think how you approach local relationships very much depends on your reasons for being in a foreign country, and how long you plan to stay. Integration is of course not high on the agenda is your stay is short term and employment based. Then you are more likely to mix solely in expat groups. And in the comments on my post a year ago a fair point was raised - if you are not going to be around for a while then the investment from the other side (i.e. the local) is also a lot of effort for little reward.

I moved to the Netherlands in 2000 because I met a Dutch man. My plan at that time was to move here and stay indefinitely. Twelve years later I have three sons, a husband and no plan to move back to my home country. My eldest attends school here. My other two will follow. I have learnt Dutch over the years and only speak English when my family or friends visit, or at home alone with my children so that they learn English. That already makes a huge difference making friends with local Dutch people.

The argument from expats is often that Dutch people speak very good English so they don't need to learn Dutch. However, many Dutch people feel very unsure of themselves speaking in English. I have so often heard "I don't speak English well" when in fact their English is pretty good. The fact is that language is a barrier to local friendships. Someone is always speaking a second language (usually the Dutch person) and it hinders deep conversation in many cases. Confidence takes a knock - and lets face it communicating with people in a second language is not the path of least resistance.

There is also an issue of culture. My husband and I grew up a matter of a few hundred kilometres from each other and yet our youths are very different because we lived in different countries. So whilst he is reminiscing with friends and family about TV programs, music or the activities he undertook as a child I can only sit and blankly stare. And it works vice versa. Bagpuss? Fingermouse? Bucksfizz? Forget it - he doesn't have a clue what I am talking about. Common ground is needed for the basis of a relationship - and this is where Tiffany's wise words ring true:

"Of course, I joined an expat group as soon as I moved here, but I also realised I needed to make Dutch friends and would never do so just hanging around my expat haunts. So I signed up to be paired with a native Dutch speaker to improve my Dutch, I joined an all Dutch vocal group, I made an effort to get close to my husband's friends, I went to dance classes and other events where I'd meet like-minded Dutch people, I chat with neighbors while I'm out walking the dog."

Having my eldest in school has been a trigger for a huge increase in social contact with Dutch people. Because there is suddenly something in common - our children are in the same class. We face the same issues. We share the same daily spaces. Most are friendly and warm. My experience is not unique. An anonymous comment on the post from last year stated:

"I speak the language, which has made a huge difference, but it was when I started volunteering for school and community activities that I really felt I had a place here."

The Dutch people I meet ask about where I come from, how I experience life in the Netherlands, whether I miss England, what I miss about England, and whether life in the Netherlands is easy for a Brit. There is interest. There are questions. Because I can talk Dutch with them. And it doesn't matter to them that there is an accent, or that sometimes I mix my words. The fact that they don't have to struggle along in English with me is a big relief for many.

I'm not saying it's easy at all - but there is another side to the story. The context in which you meet Dutch people is important - do you have anything in common to start from? Is language a barrier? It has taken years and years and years to build up what I would call any level of local friendships here. It hasn't been easy and it seems that is goes a natural course as you get more integrated and feel more at home in your host country. If you feel more at home, you are more yourself, you have the confidence to join local groups, to tackle conversations in a foreign languages - to take the time to invest in relationships.

There's always light at the end of the tunnel
Photo: John Nyberg

For those reading these posts before making a leap to the Netherlands, or anywhere else for that matter - don't be put off. Moving abroad isn't easy. But there is always light at the end of the tunnel! You just need to make sure you constantly move forwards to get there.

One final thought - think about the friend base you have in your home country - how long did it take to build those friendships up? Rome wasn't built in a  day as the staying goes.......

It would be interesting to hear from anyone who commented a year ago..... has anything changed for you? Anyone else feel that their effort with the locals has been worth it?

A Chinese Takeaway - It's All About Adapting

Photo: Chris Anderson

Whilst I was in England recently we spent a day at Legoland in Windsor and by the time dinner time rolled along everyone wanted something quick and easy at the end of a long, tiring but fun day. A Chinese takeaway was in order. We ordered a set meal for the four of us and prepared ourselves to dig in and get chomping.

It turned out to be a thought provoking meal for me. I found the meal pretty bland in all honesty. There were no real recognisable spices to liven the meal up, nothing to set one dish apart from the other - except the fluorescent orange sauce that is common to all Chinese takeaway meals, no matter which country you order in.

Nearly eleven years ago when my Dutch husband (to be at that point - HTB from here on in) suggested getting a takeaway it was an eye opening experience. My first Chinese takeaway in the Netherlands. He showed me the menu and I looked blankly. Not only was my Dutch minimal at the time, but the words I did know didn't tally with anything on the menu except for kip and ui intermittently scattered under strange words which were apparently the meal titles.

Chinese restaurants adapt their food for the country they are in. That much I learnt very quickly. And of course, Chinese restaurants here in the Netherlands tend to offer a little more than just 'Chinese"; Indonesian, Cantonese and Thais or even Surinam specialities are common on a menu.

This is how the conversation to settle on some dinner went all those years ago:

Me: "Er.. are pork balls on the menu?"
HTB: Blank look
Me: "You know, pork in crispy stuff with sweet and sour sauce?"
HTB: "No."
Me: "Crispy duck with pancakes and plum sauce then?"
HTB: "Duck yes, with pancakes no."
Me: "Erm... anything that I might remotely recognise?"
HTB: "Nasi? Bami pangang?"
Me: Silence and a distant look whilst I contemplated the extent of my homesickness.....
Me: "Just order something...," I mumbled.

Nearly eleven years later, sitting in my dad's house in England I wondered how it was that the Chinese I was used to in England over a decade ago had tasted better to me than that first Chinese meal I had in the Netherlands. And how now, as I sat looking at Chilli Beef which had not been within ten miles of a chilli pepper, the Chinese food in the Netherlands was somehow now far tastier than the British Chinese offerings. More spices. More flavour.

A journey of adaptation. Getting used to something else. Something new becoming the norm. A simple Chinese meal made me realise just how far my expat journey has brought me.